Oh man.
Okay, so last post was a philosophical discussion about being “gaymous.” (Did you see what I did there?)
The comments on that post are absolutely beautiful, and they helped Lolly and me immensely. I went to the temple yesterday morning, and several of the comments stayed with me and brought me a great deal of peace and clarity regarding why this whole thing is happening. Thanks so much for being so gracious. I want to frame many of those comments and read them every day. Thank you. Seriously.
So, here’s some more Nightline stuff.
First story:
Our couches are absolutely nasty. They are hand-me-downs that were hand-me-downs. If I were at home right now, I’d just snap a picture, but I’m not so I’m gonna have to describe this to you. Think floral print. Think floral print from the 90’s. Think bright pink floral print from the 90’s that is now so old that it’s fading and there are swaths of cushion exposed. Basically think of the gaudiest, most faded, bulky couches you could imagine. Now times that by 10 and add the stains and stickiness that come from three girls six and under. Then multiply that by “one of the main back cushions hangs off like a dead body” and add “when we get rid of these things we will have to burn them because the dump will probably consider them a bio-hazard.”
It’s rough, is what I’m saying.
Oh, I have a partial picture:
So. We decided that for Nightline, we would borrow nice couches. We swapped our floral behemoths for some nice leather couches owned by Konrad and Ashlee Crabtree, our friends down the street.
It was quite the process for Konrad and me because it’s a four-piece sectional. And also because I have no depth perception and thus have difficulty with things like “carrying couches through doors” and “not missing cement steps as I walk.”
We got it all set up perfectly, and it looked amazing.
Cut to Nightline walking into our house Wednesday morning.
Pretty much the first words uttered? “All, right, we’re gonna have to move those couches out of the way so we can do the interview…” *starts pushing the couches into the dining room*
So yeah, word to the wise: if you are ever interviewed for TV, you will be interviewed on kitchen chairs. No matter how nice your borrowed couches look.
Second story:
About half-way through the interview, the kids came home from school/being watched by a friend. At that point, the producer (who is also the editor of the piece) spent an hour or so at the park trying to get us to look all spontaneous and real and stuff. I couldn’t quite get the “I’m totally pushing my daughter in a swing without a camera staring me down right now, I promise” look down. (“Camera? What camera? I always play this type of spontaneous tag with my girls around the slides…by which I mean to say we’ve never done this ever and it’s totally because there’s a camera rolling.”)
Tessa was grumpy. Viva was sick with a cough. Anna was weird because it was her last day of kindergarten. Pretty much I’ll be shocked if they captured any footage that looks real and authentic whatsoever.
Then we got home and had some snacks around the table.
The producer asked if the girls could sing a primary song. They wouldn’t. They couldn’t even remember the primary song they had sung on Father’s day last Sunday. It was ridiculous.
And that’s when Anna, who gets to listen to music on the school bus, started singing to the camera. And it was definitely not sweet, stereotypical Mormon songs.
First she started singing LMFAO’s Party Rock Anthem. “Party Rockers in the HOOOOOUSE toniiiiiiiiight…” It started off kinda cute, but definitely not a primary song. It was about this point that Lolly gave me a look that said something like “Did you have any idea she knew songs like this?”
She quickly moved on to Glad You Came by The Wanted. “Cast a spell on me spell on me, I really think you’d look well on me well on me…” And then, naturally, she moved on to Justin Bieber.
And then, in the middle of Baby, she started talking to the camera.
Let me set this up for you. The camera is being held at this point by the aforementioned producer/editor, who is also the guy who spotted our story in the first place. So, yeah, he just got done doing an interview with me, a homosexual man who is married to a woman. Part of that interview included me talking about how we will use our children’s cues to know when to tell them about our unique marital situation. This had literally just happened. And the cameras were still rolling. Also, the particular person wielding the camera? Is also gay.
Anna: James at school today said that he really loves Justin Bieber.
Producer: Oh really?
Anna: Yeah. He says that he loves his songs.
Producer: Oh.
Anna: And then he said something silly. He said he wants to be Justin Bieber’s boyfriend.
Everyone on earth: *stops to listen to what might come out of this girl’s mouth next*
Anna: But that’s silly! Boys can’t have boyfriends! Boys aren’t even supposed to have boyfriends!
Seriously Anna? We have never ever talked about this ever. And you choose to bring THIS particular issue up while the Nightline cameras are rolling, doing a piece all about how your dad is gay???
Needless to say, we opted not to take that cue to let Anna know what being gay is, or the fact that her father is homosexual, as a spontaneous Nightline event. Though that would have answered the “when are you going to tell your kids?” question in the most original way ever.
All in all it was a very tiring, very interesting day.
In closing, we’ve gotta say thanks to various people who came in and saved us from having Nightline come and record what our house *actually* looks like on a day-to-day basis. That would have been unfortunate. For all of America.
Katie Tyler and Ashlee Crabtree, thanks for cleaning all day and helping with Lolly’s wardrobe. Spencer Transier and Rachel Wadsworth–your amazingness knows no bounds, thanks for all your help, both days. Vienna Nelson, thanks for watching the girls while we went to dinner with the producer. Leslie and Vienna Nelson, thank you for watching Viva at the park and for the beautiful flowers and card. Jenni Warner, thanks for watching the girls in the morning. Ashlee, thanks for the popsicles which may or may not be featured in the segment depending on how natural I looked taking licks of my children’s’ popsicles. Konrad, thanks for helping us move the couches. Twice. Katie, thanks for cutting my hair. And being my wardrobe specialist. JT, thanks for putting the hangy thing on our picture frame, and for letting me borrow your shirt which I just realized I didn’t give back to you. Probably I’ll just keep it. So, thanks for the free shirt.
I feel like I just did an acknowledgment page in a book. Or gave an Oscar speech.
Oh, yeah. More progress has been made on the forum-front, but it won’t be up for another few days or so. I want to set it up correctly, so it’s taken me longer than I thought. Thanks for the patience. I love the discussion that is happening, and the counterpointed views that are expressed. I think the nuance of the discussion is very important, and that it’s important that all voices be heard. I’m excited to create a home for that discussion to continue.
G’night folks.
(I just woke up here on the couch. It’s now Sunday morning, and I fell asleep before pressing “publish” but now I’m doing the magical thing where I set the date backwards so this is published on Saturday, the day this was written. It’s kind of like time-travel. Except without a DeLorean.)
Josh, you made me laugh so hard my eyes are watering and I can hardly see to type. God Bless you and your family for being so brave.
ps: I suggest you not consider new couches until your girls are past the couch=trampoline stage. You can use a sheet to hide the holes. Resist any and all urges to get a white couch.
Good call, Joel!
Just to prove I actually am a Weed fiend I shall be one of the first posters and say thank you for sharing your intensely personal and action packed journey with us (and by us I mean me). While I do not have the same challenges in life as your amazing family I also long to live close to the Spirit so I can be truly happy despite all my many many many flaws and struggles. Thank you so very much for teaching me that I can find joy in doing what I know is right and relying on God to help AND just as important to love other people without reserve and without judgement. Thank you Weed family…for the laughs and the Spirit I have felt in reading your blog. Can't wait to read the book!!!!
Your comments about what the house *really* looks like reminded me of a post from a lady in my ward:
"Visiting teaching *weep* is an inspired program *snif* that ensures that every sister in the gospel *weep* has a clean living room at least once a month."
The same applies to home teaching, and the occasional Nightline interview.
Best. Comment. Ever.
Haha! This is so sad. Whenever my husband sees me cleaning he immediately asks "Are the visiting teachers coming?"
When my son was 18 months old, I got the vacuum out and he delightedly exclaimed: "Grandma coming!"
OMG I can't stop laughing at these comments. SO TRUE!!!
I had those same couches:) Seriously…and they got completely destroyed in two years by four boys. Boys think anything off the ground is a jungle gym…okay well they think anything is a jungle gym period…and if you are lying on the floor it means you want to be jumped on. And if walk by them it means you want a headbutt….I used to think my boys had serious social problems, with ruined flower couches to prove it:)
I have two boys. My 3 year old thinks it's amazing to use the couch as a flying trampoline. Ha ha.
Nice to have you back. You know we now worry when you're away…
Speaking as non-blogger it must be bizarre to have several gazillion people all feel they know you better than a brother, whom you wouldn't know from Adam.
But that's what you now have, Weeds. A massive family out there, all pulling for you, praying for you, and all secretly wishing they really could be in your family.
Can't wait for the interview.
Exactly! Don't be surprised if random strangers (to you) come up and tell you how much they love you and pray for you and have learned from you, etc. It's like celestial living in advance! I'm so, so glad that comments from us random strangers are helpful to you. We really are here to strengthen each other and bear one another's burdens.
Amen! We all want to be part of the Weed garden now. Josh, you guys are the best. You are in our prayers.
Did those couches come from Utah because I swear I've seen them before. Don't get couches with lots of cushions and pillows because they will NEVER be all put together and pretty.
You need to get leather couches. Everything wipes off easily. They are comfortable and durable and look great!
Actually, Pleather is better. All the benefits of leather without the price. 🙂 (and horsehair AND dog hair comes right off)
Uhm… how do you get horsehair on your couch?
I have NEVER followed a blog before. I don't even like Facebook. But I LOVE your style. And I appreciate your clearing up a lot of stuff for me. And giving me something to do in the middle of the night and on Sunday morning when I'm up with my baby (her "feedings" are taking longer than they actually need to now). 🙂 I'm going to include you in my prayers today, because I really do believe in what you're doing and I know God has given you the gift of communication for a reason.
By the way, I had to laugh about your daughter's good timing. Happens to us all the time. Like when our bishop/home teacher comes over and one of the kids decides it's a great time to discuss breastfeeding …
My 3 year old is obsessed with nipples since I breastfeed my baby. He regularly shouts out "Mommy, I wanna see your nipples!" The best was in sacrament meeting during the sacrament when he shouted "Mommy I wanna touch your nipples." Yeah, that's awkward!
Ahhh I'm laughing so hard I'm crying!!! XD
Oh Anna you rock my world. It sounds like it went pretty good which I am happy about. Now you need to tell us when it will be shown on tv. Love and miss you guys!
Okay you are absolutely incredible. I am a utah mormon, haha, and my best friend is gay. 6 months ago he was embracing it, and had this huge plan to disown his family, and move to the U and find the man of his dreams. one day he decided to pick up his patriarchal blessing for the first time in years, and had a total change. he is now doing a summer semester at BYU and is leaving on a mission to North Carolina in September. his patriarchal blessing told him that he was going to have a wife and children, and that's what gave him his testimony. Even though it's still incredibly hard for him, he knows that this is what the lord wants, and now, what he wants. i sent him the link to your post. thank you so much for being a blessing and an example to all the mormons who are gay and lost. you are an answer to thousands of peoples prayers i promise you.
oh and don't even worry about it, i think we used to have those same couches ..
and sorry, i had to delete and retype, i noticed a spelling error, i'm an english freak.
OMG the patriarchal blessing said it therefore it must be true. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. It makes me sad to think I ever allowed myself to become so mind controlled by the "authorities" of the LDS church. Glad I finally learned to think for myself. Always sad for those who haven't.
Families that are supportive and loving don't get disowned. It's the toxic families that get disowned.
How fitting that he gets to serve his mission in the mosy disgustingly hateful anti-gay state in the country where there have recently been sermons that have gone viral advocating violence against effeminate children or saying that gau people should be put behind an electric fence. Not to mention the anti gay legislation that was recently passed. He can spend the next two years explaining to bigots ( who hate Mormons) all the things that their churches have in COMMON! I really want to throw up.
Bjorge Queen, why keep reading and commenting when all this stuff irritates you so much? I agree with Josh, "it's ok that you feel that way," but do you really need to take out your anger on complete strangers? If reading this blog and comments makes you so angry, why continue? Seriously the world is awful enough without intentionally seeking out things that annoy you.
Hailey, thanks for your comment. I enjoyed hearing the story.
Thank you Leslie, I believe that being gay is just one of those challenges some of us have to face, just like any other temptation. I love the Gospel, and believe that God won't give out any temptation that you can't handle, I'm proud of my best friend, and I know that this gospel is true.
The gospels are awesome. In the gospels there is no mention of homosexuality though. Just a point.
Bjorge Queen-I respect you rights to disagree with people's opinions or actions, but I feel like some of the words you use are very disrespectful. To say that how some people feel makes you throw up or imply that they are some how controlled by authorities, is degrading. In all honesty, I have not seen the kinds of words you use directed towards gays on this forum. Most people are trying to figure things out for themselves and they have every right to say that without feeling like someone is going to call them an idiot or that they make them want to throw up. It is those kinds of words that drive gay teens to suicide, it's those kinds of words that hurt and maim. It is not disagreeing that hurts, it is someone feeling like they are worth than nothing because someone disagrees with them. That is what is the most hurtful. I feel it is possible to hold this discussion without making others feel like incompetent idiots…your words are exactly what we need to stop using against gays and non-gays alike. They don't help and they make others feel like dirt…on both sides of the issues.
Bjorge Queen – I understand your disgust at what you perceive to be a lack of tolerance from people you see as "bigots" and "violent" and "hateful". Obviously these are things we should ALL be striving against. But hateful, rancorous people exist on all sides of this issue, not just the one you escaped from. It doesn't help anything to be accusing and negative, or to apply your stereotyped perceptions to a set of individuals about whom you know nothing.
The point in all of this is that everyone has to make the moral choice that is right for them, and we have no place to judge that. NONE of us does, no matter what choices others make (so long as those choices don't impinge on the rights of others, obviously). We can only love, and either express our support or withhold our judgment or both.
As an atheist I often struggle to convince people I have any moral compass at all. I know the "bigotry" and "hatred" you're talking about. But it's really critical not to sink to that same level in reaction to the bigotry you've felt.
To Hailey
Well I just want to say that as a Gay Christian man, I don't feel like I am LOST ..As you can clearly see Josh states that he is Gay , so why don't you consider him lost? I guess it's because he made the choice to married a woman. We all have our own journeys in life and believe it or not God made us out of the same perfect mold that you came from. I don't see myself or any of my gay brothers and sister as the broken clay molds that God put aside to fix later. I feel that our heavenly father made no mistakes, I am made whole because I am assured by God's word that I was created in his image just as you are . The only challenge we really face in life is not our homosexual orientation but it is this idea that we as gay people have something wrong with us that we need to fix or overcome.
Yes it's true we all have trials and tribulations in our lives but being gay should not be looked at as one.
For those of you who think that this is a moral choice or just a choice all together let's go back and read what Josh has said.
Quote "
I want to make it very clear that while I have found a path that brings me profound joy and that is the right path for me, I don’t endorse this as the only path for somebody who is gay and religious. I will never, ever judge somebody else’s path as being “incorrect” and I know many people who have chosen different paths than myself. "
So I would like to end with this.
My partner and I are just as special as Josh and Lolly.
We dated each other for a few years and after that we were engage on my birthday in Cedar City,Utah
The whole time during our courtship we remained Virgins.
Yes, Virgins, as in never having sex of any kind until after our commitment ceremony in 2008.
Can you believe it, both my partner and I had never had sex with a man or women before then.
That same year my partner was excommunicated by The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints.
Today I am proud to say that he is still attending church and knows that it is possible for us have a happy Christian home just like Josh and his Family.
We both look forward to our eternal life together someday.
It's true, we are also a rare kind, but I am here to tell you that there is really nothing here to fix except for the idea that we as gay people can't have the same eternal home or connection to God as the rest of my brother and sister's .
So pray for us like any other person out there. Let your prayers not be to fix us but that God guides us all to a better understanding, that we are all created equal and that one day we all may have the same right's across the board.
May God Bless you and may he continue to bring you and others to a better understanding.
Below is a a link to our story.
http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/lifestyle/50729998-80/fehr-isaiah-lds-says.html.csp
To Hailey
Well I just want to say that as a Gay Christian man, I don't feel like I am LOST ..As you can clearly see Josh states that he is Gay , so why don't you consider him lost? I guess it's because he made the choice to married a woman. We all have our own journeys in life and believe it or not God made us out of the same perfect mold that you came from. I don't see myself or any of my gay brothers and sister as the broken clay molds that God put aside to fix later. I feel that our heavenly father made no mistakes, I am made whole because I am assured by God's word that I was created in his image just as you are . The only challenge we really face in life is not our homosexual orientation but it is this idea that we as gay people have something wrong with us that we need to fix or overcome.
Yes it's true we all have trials and tribulations in our lives but being gay should not be looked at as one.
For those of you who think that this is a moral choice or just a choice all together let's go back and read what Josh has said.
Quote "
I want to make it very clear that while I have found a path that brings me profound joy and that is the right path for me, I don’t endorse this as the only path for somebody who is gay and religious. I will never, ever judge somebody else’s path as being “incorrect” and I know many people who have chosen different paths than myself. "
So I would like to end with this.
My partner and I are just as special as Josh and Lolly.
We dated each other for a few years and after that we were engage on my birthday in Cedar City,Utah
The whole time during our courtship we remained Virgins.
Yes, Virgins, as in never having sex of any kind until after our commitment ceremony in 2008.
Can you believe it, both my partner and I had never had sex with a man or women before then.
That same year my partner was excommunicated by The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints.
Today I am proud to say that he is still attending church and knows that it is possible for us have a happy Christian home just like Josh and his Family.
We both look forward to our eternal life together someday.
It's true, we are also a rare kind, but I am here to tell you that there is really nothing here to fix except for the idea that we as gay people can't have the same eternal home or connection to God as the rest of my brother and sister's .
So pray for us like any other person out there. Let your prayers not be to fix us but that God guides us all to a better understanding, that we are all created equal and that one day we all may have the same right's across the board.
May God Bless you and may he continue to bring you and others to a better understanding.
Below is a a link to our story.
http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/lifestyle/50729998-80/fehr-isaiah-lds-says.html.csp
you are very brave. they will crucify you here and the sad part is, they know what they do.
Thank you Isaias. I would love to learn more about you.
Isaias, thank you for sharing your feelings and experiences on this subject. I am touched by your story of love and commitment. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and I have very conflicted feelings on homosexuality within this gospel. There are things that I simply don't understand. But I hope someday I will. I only know that I believe this gospel is true with all my heart and soul. I truly hope and pray that you and your partner will find your happy ending in the eternities and that you will both be rewarded for your faithfulness.
Isaias, I also appreciate your words. It's difficult for me to hear words like gay people are lost. I believe we are all lost in many ways. I do not believe any man or woman on this earth can truly understand the issues of sexuality; be it homosexuality or heterosexuality. I do believe that every man and woman has been given agency to live his/her life according to their own moral compass. I do not believe a law can/should be made to withhold marriage to people. I believe God is the creator of us all, and as such he will sort everything out in the hereafter, and this issue will be clear and understandable to all. Good luck in your endeavors. Oh, and I am Mormon, but find myself unique in my views.
Isaias-thank you for your thoughts. I think this is all an issue that so badly needs to be discussed. I don't know that I completely agree with you, but I appreciate you taking the time to share with us your commitments. My father was also penalized for believes he held(not about gays, but back when intellectualism was the bad thing:)) and that hurt him immensely. But he had a strong believe in the gospel, just as it appears you do. And while I can't say who was right and wrong, in the end all will be made right. We are just a bunch of sojourners here with the ability to make mistakes. But I do believe most are doing the best they can to become more like Christ. Again, while I don't know that I agree with what you have done, I feel like I can applaud your efforts to remain true to how you feel God needs you to be. I am Mormon also, and to the person who felt like you would be crucified here in this forum, well, I don't think they know Mormons very well. As anyone can also see forum the comments posted towards you. I think for the most part, people are just trying to figure things out for themselves too, it the best way they can.
Just another thought too, back during WWII some young teenage German boys decided to speak out against Hilter. They were Mormon and were told to stop and were eventually excommunicated, and then baptised back into the church. I just think that sometimes we have to accept that people are acting on the knowledge they have and are not perfect. What I do have hope for, though, is that this conversation will entail greater enlightenment for everyone on what sexuality, marriage and love may mean. I think people on all sides of the issues will learn a lot that God will allow greater understanding in this area because now we can finally talk about it(and don't pretend it's just the Mormon's that are coming to this realization..as a whole it is our country that is doing this).
Thank you for your comments , It is good to know that we can share with each other in this open forum, so that we all can come to some sort of understanding on this subject. It is not an easy one but I would hope that from our story everyone can see that it is possibly for gay people live in a faithful committed relationship , have a strong moral foundation by which they live and have a true connection with God.
I thought I would share one more thing about the day of our commitment ceremony with you.
It was not an easy day for me knowing that none of my family would be in attendance.
As I stood in the back of the church looking down the aisle that I had decorated with red roses, a very deep sadness came over me. On the day that was supposed to be the happiest day of my life, I stated to feel very alone.
I started to pray and ask God for his comfort knowing that it was his presence that would be walking me down the aisle that day.
Just then, the song that I wanted before the ceremony started to play. It's a song that has brought me great comfort knowing that God created me and has accepted me for who I am.
Here are the Lyrics
I'm Accepted sung by TaTa Vega
I may not be rich
Don't wear fashion clothes
Don't live in a mansion
Don't have much that shows
Never won a contest in popularity
Don't have much to offer
But Jesus loves me
I'm accepted, accepted
I'm accepted by the One who matters most
Never set a record in sports agility
Never was magnetic in personality
That don't really matter
I'll do the best I can
'Cause there's a God above me
Who loves me like I am
I'm accepted, accepted
I'm accepted by the One who matters most
If you think you're a loser
When you fail it seems at everything you do
Just remember there's a Savior
And you are worth enough
He gave His life for you
I'm accepted, accepted
I'm accepted by the One who matters most
In closing I would like to say this , I am not here to change your mind but maybe just open it a little to see gay people in a new light.
Remember we are your brothers and sisters, please continue to pray that a greater understanding will come as we all travel this journey together.
My Partner Steven Fehr and I hope to continue to share our story with people though a staged play one day that we are currently working on.
It will tell the wonderful story of Steven faithful journey though his excommunication and our happy Christian home with three wonderful daughters ( CAT'S ) that we have made.
Thank you for letting me share. Below I have added another link to Steven's wonderful story that he shared on a Pod Cast .
If any of you would like to contact me privately please feel free by going to my blog page .
May God Bless us all as we learn how to walk hand in hand and not apart.
http://mormonexpression.com/2011/02/08/111-steven-fehr/
B.Q.
You reallllly don't like the church do you? I'm guessing anything relating to it is going to be shot down by you. For a person who believes in patriarchal blessings that would be the answer to his question. What is so wrong with that? Sounds like you have some personal issues against the church you need to work out elsewhere.
Isaias, I didn't for my comment to come off that way. When I said "lost" i meant for those who are unsure of what to do, and afraid to be who they are. It makes me sad when people feel that they will be hated or judged because of who they are. I completely respect you and your beliefs and the fact that you are with someone you love. I know that god made us all different and that he loves us. I am LDS and have my beliefs, and we all do. Thank you for your comment, and I apologize if I have offended anybody.
I have a matching loveseat that would SO complete your living room! Don't mind the large rip down the middle- it's from being threadbare, not a drug dealer's knife looking for our stash….
SUPER funny, by the way!
I am so grateful that I came across your blog. The other day I was talking to a friend and she was having doubts about the church because of the whole "gay marriage" issue and how she just wants to be accepting. And she asked me "what would you do if your child was gay? Wouldn't you just want them to be happy." And I was able to refer her to your blog and show her that it is possible to live the teachings of the Church and live the Gospel and still be happy. So I am grateful.
And second as I was reading your blog (I have an incredible memory) I realized that I believe it's your dad, he was my seminary teacher when I was in 9th grade back in Utah. He did a lot for my life and set me on a path to where I am. He taught me a lot, and I can see where you get your strength and compassion from.
I am so blessed to have come across your blog because it now gives me a better understanding to so much more. And not to mention it's fun to read.
Best Wishes
I think I just threw up in my mouth. Let's pray that you never actually end up with a gay child. He/ she will probably be suicidal.
And how did it taste, Bjorge? 😉
Bjorge, perhaps lifesavers would help get the taste out of your mouth
Wish, thanks for your comment. I enjoyed reading it.
I thought Josh said he didn't want to be used as an example, that it was just his story. And commenters have said that too. honestly wondering which it is – is his story to be used as an example or is it just his story?
Bjorge Queen is really doing this argument a huge disservice by being so caustic.
Actually, I don't want to be associated with that mess at all. But I do worry that gay people who make the choice to have a fulfilling life that includes a same-sex partner will still face a negative, unsupportive reaction. A heterosexual partnership clearly works for some gay people, and it's an option I don't feel a lot of people accept, and it's good to spread the word that it's possible and positive. But frankly, it will not and should not be expected to work for everyone.
I would like to hear other commenters' opinions on whether gay people who choose same-sex partners are still worthy of our love, acceptance and support, things the Weeds are rightfully asking us to show for ALL people.
Anon, I meant to reply to your question, too. All stories are examples. They're all personally tailored and unique, but they're part of a collection that guides and shapes our thoughts about our own options and moral decisions. Now, if by "example" you mean "model for the only possible correct solution", clearly that's going too far, and no one's story should be an example in that way.
I think all people, no matter what, are worhty of love and acceptance as children of God. I really think that's where a huge percentage of the Christian community has fallen short. I also believe that people have the right to believe that what you are doing is wrong. As a Mormon, I also believe premarital sex is morally wrong. Does that mean I hate people that don't believe that. Absolutely not. I do think we need to do more to love each other.
Kaitlin, I would hope that the answer to your question is YES. We are all worthy of love and acceptance. If you haven't read it yet, please take a moment to read "The merciful shall obtain mercy" by President Uchtdorf. I think it is very detailed about who is "worthy" of our love and acceptance. I truly wish all of us atheist, agnostic, religious, etc. would live by these words.
Josh Weed-
You are the man…
Josh Weed-
You are the man…
Josh Weed-
You are the man…
Dennis, tell us how you really feel. 🙂
I think you could fit at least two more little girls on your back in that picture. Three, if they're small. You're skimping.
Interesting to think of the ways behavior changes when you're on camera. I've enjoyed following, and I'm interested to see how you weather the media storm. Good luck!
Josh, you are the epitome, the master of vulnerability!
There is no way how you could otherwise have a Nightline crew interview you about your homosexuality at your home with your wife, and then you have your oldest kid say before the camera what she said, and THEN YOU WRITE ABOUT IT ON YOUR BLOG IN GREAT DETAIL, WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT!
It looks as if you take a great delight in humiliating yourself, except you don't because you know exactly who you are and what is it all about, or maybe not, maybe you just feel it.
I am at awe.
agree!! They are awesome both of them 🙂 You gotta let everyone know when this airs. I wanna watch.
I knew exactly the couches you were talking about before seeing the pictures, hahaha.
My husband is a web developer/designer and said he would be willing to help you with getting the forum set up (for free) if you were interested. You probably already have someone working on it, but just in case you wanted another hand.
We just put up a contact page on my blog (don't want to give my email address to all your followers, sorry :), so if you are looking for help, feel free to contact me there.
http://sierralr.blogspot.com/p/contact-me.html
Josh, I love how you "keep it real". You crack me up. You should see MY couches, by the way.
I have to say though, after reading all these stories about Anna, I'm starting to wonder if I should let my daughter spend so much time with her. Of course, I should have thought of this after the Bambi Nuggets story, but I've been distracted. LOL!
What is this? I swear everyone has seen those couches – either they owned them or someone they knew did. In my case, it was my in-laws. Does your couch have a board under the cushions because the springs are shot?
One thing I've been sort of worried for you, Josh, is that your number is posted for your therapy practice. Are there wack jobs calling that number to harass you? I hope not.
Now I got it. Those are one and the same set of couches being handed down from one Utah family to another, until they ended up with the Weeds as a second hand gift. That's why they are in such a bad shape.
Haha…I'm not in Utah, nor are my in-laws. I actually live in Washington state, not too far from Josh and Lolly. I think my in-laws got their couch and loveseat from the furniture store in the small town they live in when one of their daughters worked at the store.
But that pattern was EVERYWHERE in the '90s. The only reason my family didn't own it is because we bought futons with hardwood frames then because they withstood having the kids jump on them (no springs!). Big plus was that you could wash the futon covers or even buy new ones, which we did.
Finally! Some recognition! Happy to be your personal stylist — and your friend 🙂 JT will be happy to read all of the recognition he got, although I don't think he even knows that shirt is missing from his closet!
Well, since boys do have boyfriends, it sounds like it's time to talk to Anna about that.
We often found books a handy way to normalize things for our kids. Can I remmend two Todd Parr books for your kid's library? One is call It's Okay to be Different (I've included the link below) and one is called The Family Book.
http://www.amazon.com/Its-Okay-To-Be-Different/dp/0316043478/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1340574159&sr=8-1&keywords=it%27s+okay+to+be+different
These books are fun, gentle ways to introduce the idea of difference and, more importantly, similarities in people and families. I'll warn you that Todd Parr books are addictive and I bet you'll wind up with his whole library!
I love Todd Parr! I was introduced by this beautiful, inspiring story: http://togetherforjacksoncountykids.tumblr.com/post/14314184651/one-teachers-approach-to-preventing-gender-bullying-in
(Also I apologize for clogging the comments field all of a sudden…)
I agree that since she's brought it up it's probably time to talk to her about it, and will third the recommendation for Todd Parr!
This is hilarious! Kids are nuts, seriously. One time at church, (Karly was probably about 3) was hugging me, facing backwards. She *whispers* (a kids whisper is NOT quiet), "Why is that man so fat and sweaty? He's not even exercising!" He definitely heard…. I definitely used a little too much force with my hand over her mouth to shush anything else that might come out next… hahah
You guys are awesome. It was so nice to see Lolly at our house that one afternoon with the girls and some chinese food! 🙂
Wow, strange to say it, but our weeks sounded eerily similar. A day or two after your story went all viral people started freaking out that I had shared our behind the scenes with a blogger about House Hunters. We got GMA and Today show in our living room a freaking week before our carpet was installed! Our house is a crazy, torn up mess. Could everyone have collectively decided to all the sudden care about the truthfulness of reality TV just a few weeks later so my house could look nice? Apparently not. 🙂 Love you and your blog!!!
Bobi Jensen
http://westernwarmth.blogspot.com
best entry of my life. we have matching couches ( i mean- to your REAL couches ) so if you want more to add to your set… just say the word!!!
perhaps the fact that i just had a very embarrassing dinner with some friends of ours (our kids were downright horrible) added to my enjoyment of this post.
but once again, this whole discussion and blog and your testimonies have changed my life. in more ways than one. thanks so much.
I have a matching couch and two awesome pink chairs to go with which we hate but just haven't gotten around to replacing. That fabric is a curse on humanity!
I just about DIED laughing at Anna's comments. Hilarious!
I know you've been getting a huge outpouring of support already but I wanted to add my little voice to that. I've been telling all my friends and family about your family and mutual decision to come forward and show the world unicorns really do exist. I don't know you at all but I'm humbled and moved by your bravery and your seemingly infinite well of empathy and goodwill (both of you!).
It's only through the acts of people like you that we can begin to break down the stigmas and stereotypes surrounding gender roles, sex and sexuality and truly love people as they are, without judgment. In telling your story to others I've met with a lot of skepticism (from ALL sides of the spectrum, gay and straight and liberal and conservative alike) but I think I'm doing your explanations justice and (hopefully!) changing a few minds. Understanding is infectious, so thank you for catalyzing an epidemic.
Also, I totally had a couch like yours when I first moved out, and the day I finally parted with it was a miracle. I handed it down to a friend, and the day she recently parted with it was a miracle for her, too! It's such a beautiful thing to be able to share in the joy of getting rid of things!
Okay I'll stop running on, but one last thing – you are a comedic genius and I am SO glad someone shared your post on Facebook so I can go back and stalk you through all your posts, now. 🙂
At least it makes for a good story. Looking forward to seeing Nightline. Btw, what happened to those white couches we gave you? They were pretty terrible too.
SO funny!! I totally feel for you, but by now you should know the drill when it comes to little kids. It's their honesty. When she said "boys are even SUPPOSED to have boyfriends" I was literally laughing out loud. Good to see you in your regular fine form. Stay strong.
I started reading your blog due to the "Unicorn" story and I think that moving that discussion to a forum is a great idea. I probably won't do much more than take a look at that, but I will keep following this blog. You guys sound like an awesome, fun family and I appreciate letting the rest of us have a window into your world!
Sometimes life is strange. I was reading another blog and clicked through to a link that took me to an information page for a conference for LGBT Mormons and their allies. It seemed strange to both share this with you, as I've never met you but it also seemed strange to not share it. So, here it is.
http://mormonstories.org/san-francisco-circling-the-wagons-conference-for-lgbtqssa-mormons-and-their-families-friends-and-allies-august-10th-12th-2012/
This is a really interesting discussion, and there are more levels (maybe than you intended) that I think about when I read what you write. For me personally, I enjoy this because its real, and you're aware of the issues you struggle with as a couple and you work through those together. My husband isn't gay, but he struggles with a pornography addiction. So being gay & having a pornography addiction are totally not the same thing, but they do have at least one thing in common–they both present potential problems in a traditional marriage. Before I got engaged/married, my sister told me that the only thing you can be sure of in a [Mormon/Christian] marriage is the Atonement, and thats the only thing you can always 100% rely on especially when the other fails in any way. We talk about our issues (bc I have my own set of issues too, lets be honest, we all do) openly often, and when we make mistakes (related to past ones or not), we forgive each other. Thats the only thing that can make a marriage last. Although I know your intent is to be open about you being a gay man married to a woman, you still help other people who don't have this issue. I'm terrified of the trials that are to come, but what pops out at me all the time when I read what you write is that when you have each other and you're both willing to stick together forever, you can get through *anything.* Thats what I get when I read your blog (and it happens every time I read!).
So thanks. You're a force for good, no matter what people say.
That is classic. I am kind of glad that we didn't have kids when we did our Nightline interview (feel free to contact me about that if you have any questions, although I know this is after the fact…) Who knows what they might have said. And I am glad that Pret was able to warn me before I got home that our house looked nothing like normal with all the changes they had made to make it a "set." Finally, we rebelled when they said they wanted us doing something together, like "making dinner." Yes, my husband may be SSA, but he is NOT a chef! I can count on one hand the number of meals he has made while being married 6 years and maybe if I put the two hands together it would be the number that he has contributed to the cooking on. In other words–that would have been a disaster. So we opted to walk the dog together–still rare, but at least reasonable! Can't wait to see it air. I know my heart dropped when Pret texted me to say it was going to be on that night! –Megan
You're so lucky to have your wife and kids. I'll probably never get married, or get to have kids. People really take things for granted. Glad you dont.
And to clarify, Im not gay. Im just a little less lucky you could say.
Life is beautiful! Thanks for sharing! Hugs and prayers for you and Lolly!
I'm embarrassed to post here for a variety of reasons that may or may not be obvious from what follows, but this Club Unicorn means so much to me that I feel impelled to post anyway. This ends a quest for me that started more than ten years ago, when I saw a lonely SOS on the Internet from one of the many people who have been tormented by the hostilities revolving around these issues. Since then I've spent many, many largely thankless and fruitless hours searching for ways to help relieve that suffering. I've found everything I've been looking for here.
looking forward to watching your interview. Thanks for your ever sincere insights and touching life story.
After much thought, I am beginning to understand and what I say I say sincerely and I'm not trying to enflame or hurt/offend anyone, really. My realization has given me peace and is enabling me to understand the comments on here.
Phew.
I am not a Mormon. As such, my views on homosexuality have grown and are not still say where they would have been 50 years ago (if i'd been alive then). The same could be said for my views on race, which the Mormons didn't 'catch up to' until 1978.
Homosexuality has been such a huge taboo in Mormonism that even to speak of it seems to be a very scary thing. Seems to me that for a long time, gay Mormons felt like they had to keep any thoughts on this completely hidden away.
So, the penny finally dropped for me. Mormonism has now moved to the point where homosexuality can be discussed (although the acting on it is still hated) and Josh is one of the first to have done that and this must feel like a huge awakening. I see that now.
Because it is so new a concept to be able to discuss, the ideas behind it and thus the comments are often still like would have been in the rest of society 50 years ago and some indeed are like that which was surreal but I get it now. It doesn't, of course, excuse some of the more horrifically homophobic comments or the fact that homosexuality is still equated with being impure, not holy, etc but it explains them.
Catching up on race took the Mormon Church about 20 years give or take. So perhaps in 20 years – although the gay issue seems even more horrifying to the Mormon Church – so maybe 30 or 40 years – the Mormon Church will catch up.
But for now, for them, what Josh has said seems a huge revelation.
I am not being sarcastic at all (no tone on e-mail) when I say that this understanding has given me peace about some of what i've read here. i prayed for understanding and I received it. I don't have to try and move folks along on this issue – I simply have to remind myself that some are about 50 years behind and look at it from that angle. That has been so freeing. And will allow me, once and for all, to get off of this blog!
hmmm, not e-mail but rather the internet.
Also, I think religion (any religion, not just Mormonism) should be ahead of the curve, as it were. For example, I do know that some Christians were working hard to desegregate the south. Not all of course, some were horrifically racist. But I believe to be like Jesus, one must be on the side of the marginalized.
Thanks for the chuckle. I know humor is not what you intended, and I am not being sarcastic either, I just find your comment mildly amusing.
Though we don't see eye to eye, I wish you the best.
@Anonymous
Thank you for your thoughtout response. I am happy you have found peace and understanding. I'm not saying I 100% agree with you, but I do understand where you are coming from. Perhaps if more people on both sides of the issue tried to have a bit more understanding, as you have, there would be more love and tolerance. An internet hug to you.
First, am I the only one who thinks you look a lot like Chad in the photo you posted? Like, "This is exactly what Chad will look like in about 10 years"? If not, everyone should feel the same way. Second, I think Anna might be the greatest kid ever. Third, you and Lolly are the greatest people ever, and I hope that the stars someday align and we're all in the same state together.
I thought the same thing. I saw Josh walk into church last Sunday and I thought "Why is Chad here? He isn't supposed to be here. He is on his mission." but then I realized that it was Josh and saw his family. They do look a lot alike!
Classic moment of embarrassment. Thanks for sharing!
Okay you are hilarious and I may or may not have spent the entire morning reading past blog posts. Thanks for sharing your story. I originally found it through facebook and I truly felt the spirit and could feel your love for each other as I read it. It brought me and my husband to tears. I don't really have words to describe how amazing both of you are and how much your love for each other has touched us. I will continue to be a stalker on this blog and look forward to many more laughs and tears. By the way, we live in Beaverton/Hillsboro/Aloha (I have NO idea how to define where we live… because it's kind of all 3) and we saw you at church yesterday! I think it may be your home ward? Well, we were a little star struck and decided it best not to run up to you and shake your hand and tell you how amazing you both are… because that probably would have been a little weird 🙂 Anyway, thanks for being such an example of true love and faithfulness to the gospel.
I think the character Peeta Mellark in Hunger Games may have actually been based on Anna. At least his unique skill to entirely redirect the implication of en entire interview all with one simple statement at the end. That'll keep you on your toes! 🙂 (You know, that and the fact that thousands, if not millions of people are now watching you….) Thanks for your courage to speak your truth honestly and openly.
I have a question that does not involve your upholstery or your identity.
How did you and Lolly get comfortable with putting your kids' pictures online?
I have always been a bit leery about such things.
Just asking. Thanks in advance.
On a related note: there is a wonderful book about keeping children safe, PROTECTING THE GIFT by Gavin de Becker.
Some interesting things from this book: the most common age at which sexual abuse begins is three, nearly 100% of sexual abuse is committed by heterosexual males, the U.S. Department of Justice estimates that on average there is one child molester per square mile. And the average molestor victimizes between 30 and 60 children before he is ever arrested.
Since I blog about my experiences healing from childhood abuse, people talk to me privately about their experiences….myself and everyone I know was molested by either a family member or friend of the family. . .so in my mind pictures of our children on line is not the thing we need to be most concerned about.
It's not all bad news though. Gavin de Becker's book PROTECTING THE GIFT says there are always warning signals, and we have something he calls "the gift of fear". He says it is an instinct, I would cal it the Holy Ghost. But whatever we call it, the more we educate ourselves, lay aside denial and listen to "the gift of fear", the greater our success in protecting our precious children will be. We can do it.
I found your blog like a zillion other people did after your post went viral, and I do admire you greatly for your choices. I also truly, truly enjoy reading your writing. You are hysterical! Favorite line from this post…"Everyone on earth: *stops to listen to what might come out of this girl's mouth next*" HA!
When will the Nightline feature air? Don't want to miss it!
I love your writing and insights into family life. It brings back lots of good memories–many of which were awkward at the time. I was just talking to a mom today about how children 3-5 are exaggerated in processing gender differences. I'll never forget one boy I had in my child care: his mom was a neurosurgeon and his dad was in construction but mostly a stay-at-home dad. I was reading a book about doctors, one page depicting a female, and the boy shouted out, "Girls can't be doctors!" First, rigid rules, then the real chaos and complexity of life . . .
Laughing out loud here! I love kids, they are so funny and real and embarrassing at times too. 🙂
I have been reading your blog for a while now. however I moved a little. over a month ago and haven't had the internet, I thought google was messing with me when I googled your name and the first suggestion was "josh weed gay morman". I am caught. up now though lol. I am really touched by everything that I have read tonight, your posts and the. responses. My father got remarried and found jesus when I was 16, his wife leads the worship team and he is an elder at the church. I am bisexual and my sister and brother are both gay, while none of us are believers it was still very difficult for us to come out to the family. at first it was a pretty miserable situation for us all, but with time they learned not to judge us or try to push us in the direction they thought was best. As we matured we learned to be respectful of their beliefs. As a family we have come to a pretty positive place. The biggest lesson to get out of situations like this is that as long as you respect other peoples choices and beliefs, no matter how they differ from your own, love and acceptance are easily attainable.
My husband and I love your blog. I read this post out loud to him because it was just so darn funny. Kids really do say the darnedest things 🙂
Love this blog. It makes me laugh out loud. I wonder what emotions Josh and Lolly were feeling going to church the first Sunday after the announcement? What was the reception & atmosphere like?
When will the interview air on nightline?
Seriously the ugliest furniture EVER. lol
Sitting on the edge of my seat, waiting for the next installment of Club Unicorn.
Hi Lolly and Josh!! I haven't seen you guys in FOREVER!! Your girls are sooo big and the PERFECT ages for my boys–I see a future hook up! haha I'm so proud of you and in awe of you two. I love you and pray for the Lord to give you strength to deal with the people who don't understand your situation. You are amazing! ((hugs))
-Kandis Smith
"But that's silly! Boys can't have boyfriends! Boys aren't even supposed to have boyfriends!"
Great quote. It shows that even with high tolerance, as you and Lolly have, you can still teach the natural order of dating.
I SO have that couch myself…though only one, not a matching set (now THAT is hot). I feel your pain! We hate to even have people over and feel we have to explain ourselves and apologize when we introduce our friends to The Couch. 🙂
Oh my word… My family HAD those couches! They were the first real piece of furniture we bought after moving from Colombia. We still have the large, square pillows…
They might have not be the nicest according to today's fashion's standards, but they were sure a step up from comforters and pillows on the living room carpet (next to my dad's homemade desk and pool plastic chair).
In all seriousness, if being awkward with family isn't taken by America as normal, then… they're all hypocrites! 😉
my nephew was overheard in the car, at age 6 telling his younger siblings about being gay.
"I know why a man and a man can't get married- It's because they can't have any kids."
"and a woman and a woman should NEVER get married, because then they would have WAY too many kids."
Lol. So I thought it was funny that their minds thought that way- but I also wanted to tell them some about sex. some about gays. You don't have to give the whole enchilada of knowledge away as parents…. but your attitudes in a moment like that one would be a perfect teaching moment. (other than the fact that nightline cameras were on you all at that moment.)
Be open. Tell her that a man and a man CAN and DO sometimes love each other, and if they do, the proper term for that is Gay. It can ONLY help you later on when she figures out or finds out more from friends. At school they not only learn Bieber and LMFAO party rocking. They hear about sex and about gays and about pornography and about all kinds of racism….. please teach them before school about their bodies, about sex (again don't have to know EVERYthing…. but they need to know what sex is- and know that the word isn't a dirty word. Just tell them openly about these things. They NEED to know WAY owner than we would think they do. My 7 year old had people at school talking about sex and looking at and sharing pornography to each other. We were unaware it started that early- but were glad we had already told her that if there were pictures of naked people or pictures of sex on a computer that she should turn it off, and she should always get away from it if her friends or others are looking at it.
Glad she knew that before she encountered it.
Glad she knows where a baby comes from.
Glad she knows how sex happens…
They need to hear it from a parent EARLY.
It surprises me that someone as open and brave as you have been thus far online has not told their kids yet that people can be gay.
I think I may have said this on a previous post that included your couches, but… Hey! I have that same couch!!
I love you guy very much. I think that what you and Lollie are doing is brave brave brave. Please know that you have my unconditional support and love. Please dont think twice about calling anytime you need a friendly voice. Although it looks like you have many.
Melody
i just watched the interview and i loved it. i thought it was very fair and portrayed you both in a lovely light. but this post had me CRACKING UP. you have the best friends out there {i only know the tylers though!} and i love to hear that they all rallied around to help out.
aaaand the exact same thing would happen with my kids forgetting any and all church song and instead singing some lmfao song. so funny!