So, yesterday was the anticipated day: our segment was on the Vh1 series “I’m married to a…”
As with all experiences like this, I spent the day feeling incredibly vulnerable and nervous. The producers were so nice when they shot our footage, and they promised to tell our story in a way that we would feel good about, but… it’s just so vulnerable, having your life be filmed, having your closest family ties be captured by other people, and then edited by a team looking for an interesting (even sensational) product.
Our doubts were totally unfounded.
They did an incredible job with the piece. They represented us in a way that felt so accurate and perfect. They cut through all irrelevant footage, and pieced together a narrative that I truly feel captures the love we share, and many of our reasons for being married. I’m so glad!
They tend to put up a full episode a few days after the original air date and I’ll post that when it happens, but here a clip to tide you over if you didn’t get the chance to see it. (Disclaimer: I haven’t had a chance to watch this clip yet. Please watch them at your own discretion. Also, head over to their page to see more clips if desired.)
All right, y’all. G’night.
UPDATE
Here’s the full episode. Not sure how long it will be up, but I hope you enjoy!
Josh and Lolly, I considered myself an advocate for gay rights but my eyes were opened to a whole new level of acceptance because of you two. Though Watching the interview with the gay men at the round table broke my heart because to fight as hard as I do for acceptance of the LGBT community and to have them deny you based on your choice to live your life as you choose is absolutely reprehensible. God bless your family.
Rose, good for you. It blows when gay friends find out I'm Mormon and retreat from me as a result. To your point, how is that any better than people who shun someone from the LGBT community based on their own religious beliefs? I'm glad you know the answer is, "It's not."
I really enjoyed this clip. Your openess about everything you talked about brought tears to my eyes. I came out to my wife "after" we were married mainly because I hadn't faced up to it myself for many years. We had been married 25 years before I confessed my homosexual feelings. She didn't take it well, I went quickly back into my closet. I wish things could have happened in a different manner but what is done is done. Maybe some day I can be more open to others. Thank you for being so brave and sharing…Adon
That was a really great clip! Congrats to you guys!
So glad it turned out so well!
Josh & Lolly:
Beautiful! I am very touched and totally in tears. I am so pleased with the way this turned out. Thank you for all you do for all of 'us' (mixed orientation couples). We sure do love you guys.
Mr. & Mrs. I Define Me
I thought they did a wonderful job telling your story- it seemed very authentic to what I know of you and Lolly from the blog, so that was great. I loved that it showed having family time with your girls, conversations with the type of spousal support you have exhibited here on the blog, and your doubts and fears as well as your hopes and goals. I did record the showing that played after midnight, so that led to some interesting commercials, but had that not been the case, I *almost* wouuld have thought I was watching BYUTV (with the exception of Josh's breast comments- I don't know if you would hear 'I think she has a great rack' in between mormonads 😉 ) Very very well done- incredible that you were able to share your story with such a large audience from all walks of life. When it showed Josh jogging, though, I couldn't help but bust out laughing with the memory of his unfortunate morning run! (If you guys haven't read it, it's super gross and super funny: http://jweed.lbanry.com/2011/02/morning-run.html) Sorry Josh! But really, very well done- you guys rock.
I love you guys!!!! I sent you a message on Facebook, I hope you can read it, I am so impressed by your courage and dedication!
Facebook name (Ryan-Ashton Wood)
I really wanted to watch the video, but it won't let me from my location (Canada), darn it. I love your blog.
wonderful representation of who you are and what a loving marriage you have. Very impressed. Honestly, I was so worried about how VH1 might mis-represent and scandalize your wonderful relationship. I am so happy to see this and how they honestly portrayed the Weeds! Thank you for sharing!
Loved the clip. Don't have time to watch the full episode right now (shh! I'm supposed to be WORKING) but will later. Very nicely done. Oh, and Josh, I didn't know you and Lolly live in Covington! I will wave in your general direction next time I go to see my doc (she's at the Covington Multicare).
I can't believe how you were both judged so negatively by the other gay men. How unfair!! Of all people they should know better.
Also, thank you for bringing more understanding on same sex attraction to the mormon community (even if it is a slow, slow process!)
Don't let the haters get you down!
Dear Josh and Lolly,
Just saw the episode by accident flipping through channels, and I think you two are terrific. Most marriages are built on lies between people who are trying as hard as they can to hide who they really are, so the fact that you two have found happiness by being honest with each other is a truly beautiful thing. Plus, gay guys are adorable.
My husband and I watched the episode done by VH1, and we were very impressed by the courage shown from your whole family. We've been following your blog ever since we clicked on the link given to us via Facebook when you first came out and we support you 100%. We are Mormons and have come to the understanding that some of the church's greatest teachings are agency and acceptance. You are not the first couple we have come across living as you do and I want to thank you for bringing your story to the attention of the public but more specifically the Mormon community.
Just watched the full episode. Loved it. Teared up a few times. You guys are the best. Really.
Viva will only wear mismatched socks? One of my sons (who is gay, incidentally) and my young daughter (because she loves her gay brother) both wear only mismatched socks.
That turned out really well. I can't remember the last time I saw you, but watching this brought me back to college and all those years before. Even though so much has changed you are both still the same thoughtful amazing people you always were. Call me if you ever have a free minute (which I'm guessing isn't often) I miss all the laughing we used to do!
i watched it and thought you guys did an even better job than I thought you'd do! Great job with your episode and getting some great messages out there. The only contact I've ever had with Mormon Stories was watching his interviews with people who left the church and were no longer Mormons, so that was interesting that learn he interviews faithful LDS members as well. I also enjoyed the other couple on your episode, but can't help wonder why artificial insemination wasn't ever mentioned…it's driving me crazy, lol. To me that seems to be the obvious solution for them, but what do i know, I'm not a doctor.
Every. single. time. YOU GUYYYYS! Stop being so awesome! Every time you guys do something else I am like, ''YES YES YESS!!! THANK YOU!!" Don't EVER doubt that this was the right thing to do, even if it's hard sometimes. 🙂 You guys are just the best. The BEST.
Watched it. Loved it. Favorite comment of yours: " I didn't choose Lolly above all women. I chose her above all humans.". (or something like that!)
Gah! iPad discrimination 😛 VH1 will only show us ze clips.
Are Dudes from Seattle? I had been active in the GLBT community for YEARS on the east coast and in California… move up here, and whoa. Check. Please. I have never come across such venomous bigotry anywhere else in the country as here. One of my bosses was actually a buku fundraiser for GLBTQ issues, but she also refuses to have absolutely anything to do with the GLBTQ-Seattle groups. She lives here, but will only work in other cities/states. (She totally saved my self esteem. I was actually really torn up over the idea that somehow I'd become some sort of troll-harpy-persona-non-grata during my 5 hour flight. I mean, air travel can wring out anyone, but I didn't think I'd actually changed as a human being just by getting on a jet. It's like the fear of cameras stealing your soul. Wait! Am I still me??? But. Wha? Gulp. Oh…. It's not me. It's them. Got it.)
Not that there aren't a lot of kind, inclusive, inteligent, welcoming, inspirational GLBTQ people IN Seattle, as well as many sub groups. But the community itself is like it's where jaded, bitter, hateful people come to sit around and inflict their suffering on others. If you don't fit some rigidly defined set of random criteria, then the smackdown cometh. Oh. heck. no.
Of course… you can find jerks anywhere. But that clip just made me think "And THAT'S why I'm not active up here!!!"
-Grey!
I haven't watched the episode yet, but reality TV thrives on conflict, so I'm sure the producers searched for "haters." But you're right that judgmental queer people do exist (in large numbers, unfortunately), and they sometimes piss me off more than heterosexual homophobes, who at least aren't pretending to support (or to be!) queer people.
I did see the preview, and the talk about "not being invited to the party" was infuriating. How privileged are these two dudes, that they can flippantly analogize being forcibly marginalized as a minority to a swanky invite-only party? Someone needs to force them to watch a news montage of all the horrific hate crimes that have been inflicted on gay and bi people, including closeted, heterosexually married, and other "not really" queer folks (which, in some cultures, means everyone who wants to stay alive).
Weeder, I liked it. You are getting around these days. 😉
Let me preface this by saying, as two consenting adults, you should have the right to define your relationship however you wish — and you are. Hopefully, gay couples will have that same right in all 50 states soon. Ironically, it isn't illegal for gay men to marry straight women (just ask Marcus Bachmann). Even though the law is only intended for heterosexual couples (in most states).
I've always been curious that if you weren't religious, would you have still chosen to live a 'straight lifestyle"? In other words, if outside forces didn't have any influence on your path in life — such as religion or societal homophobia — would you (have the courage to) be living your life as an openly-gay man… still getting married, adopting children, and so on? Personally, I just find the whole idea of repressing your sexual identity (the core part of what makes you who you are), the antithesis of what a loving God would demand. I find it hard to believe that God would create gay people (or allow them to exist in the first place), then expect them to pretend to be straight throughout their entire lives. What would be the point? I think God would want everyone to live a genuine life.
I am not speaking for Josh or Lolly or even any homosexual at all.
But, this did make me wonder if ANY of us are actually ever able to separate ourselves from the influence of our families, culture, religion, area of the country, etc.
Some people choose the exact opposite or make choices that anger their family, religion, or culture… but I do not think that they can deny the influence that this had on their lives.
I have NO IDEA at all what I would be doing if I hadn't been raised where I was raised and influenced by who influenced me. I don't think that any of us do.
Sexual identity isn't the core part of who they are. They are first and foremost a daughter and son of God. That is the lifestyle they are living. I feel sad for anyone that thinks sexual identity is the core of who they are.
Neurotic One – Very good point. That's why it's so crucial to fight heterosexism everywhere, as I se it.
Anonymous – Perhaps "a core part" would be better phrasing. I know that's what David meant.
I don't know why God created gay people, but no matter what, they are put in the position of sacrificing something seen as central to the human experience. If they live in a heterosexual relationship, they give up carnal sexual attraction, and if they have a same-sex partner, they give up having a biological family.
Josh and Lolly, you have really opened my eyes greatly to this issue. I'm learning a lot from you. And Lolly, I think you have something powerful to teach women about their sexuality with their husbands. You are right that for women, sex is in the mind. Too many women spend so much time fixating on their perceived flaws and that inhibits them from being a truly available and open sexual partner. This isn't a healthy state of mind. Women should simply KNOW that they are what he wants because we are who our husband's chose. Period! And then bring it! I love that about you.
If there are any other gay mormon guys looking for a wife who can accept them, I'm open to the possibility. I'm a very tomboyish, sexually-dominant straight female with huge boobs (you two are right, MANY gay men are a bit breast-obsessed), so my gay guy-friends usually end up having an unusual sexual attraction to me anyway……. Just thought I'd throw it out there.
Woops, I'm not Mormon though…but I'd fake it for the right guy …just kidding, no one should ever fake religion if they don't really feel it–oh well, for a minute there, I seemed like it was worth a shot…
After your blog post first 'came out' (ha! get it? pun was totally intended!) I sent you a message on facebook- but I'm sure you get many, many messages- so that's why my name may seem familiar to you. But anyway, I just watched the episode where your marriage was featured and I have a few thoughts I want to share with both of you-
1- It makes me sad that people are so judgmental of your situation. I wish more people could understand what love truly is. So, for every time someone makes you feel bad, sad or misunderstood- please think of all the people who are silently cheering you on and wishing you well.
2- Thank you for your authenticity. You are being authentic to who YOU are. No one else. Your authenticity is yours and yours alone- and it is awesome!
3- Thank you for being so open- I agree wholeheartedly that the issue of same sex attraction needs to be openly and lovingly addressed in the church- and it is! Thanks to you and people like you.
4- Just so you know, you're aren't so different from the rest of us. You have feelings- temptations- choices- heartache and joy. And an adorable family. You're doing great things!
Just thought the two of you ought to know.
Hi Josh,
I have been reading your blog for a while now, I stumbled across it, can't remember how now! I am neither gay nor a Mormon but I find what you have to say very enlightening and informative, so thank you!
Is there anywhere I can watch this video given that I am in Canada and the link you have put on here I can't access?
Thanks!
I just watched the episode, and I was really impressed with how well it turned out. I thought it really captured your love, your faith, your intent in coming out, and how surreal it is to be “gaymous.”
Josh and Lolly, I was hesitant to watch the episode because I saw some of the clips from other episodes and I thought that the producers might try to sensationalize your story in some bad way. Like you said, Josh, it was really well done. You guys keep spreading your message of love in so many different places and I'm sure that it will (and probably already has) made a difference to so many people. I got a little angry when the two guys said that you weren't invited to the party. I thought that you handled that pretty well; better than I would have, anyway. You're most definitely invited to the party of caring, loving, thoughtful followers of Christ and the cool thing is that you and Lolly are out there inviting others to the party. Good job, guys. Keep up the good work and good job letting your lights shine.
I've been lurking here for a while and now want to comment. I just watched the full episode, and while I initially thought it might be distasteful, (It's VH1, right?) I was delightfully surprised at how positive and tasteful it was. I think your decision to roll with the publicity of outing your sexuality on your blog a year ago is admirable. I have to say that my initial thought when I first read your coming out post was, "Hey look, this guy can do it…maybe my other gay friends have it in them to do it too." (Though I didn't act on that thought or suggest it to any of my gay friends) I want you to know that I am one of your success stories. I now know that that wasn't your intention to make me think that and that I need to love and accept all my loved ones (gay or straight) for who they are as people and to not judge them. I always considered myself to be a pretty non-judgmental person, but your blog has helped me look straight to my core and now I know that there are some judgmental thoughts lurking around in my subconscious and I am now working to dispel those thoughts. Thank you Josh and Lolly for your courage and your love of so many others.
I've been lurking here for a while and now want to comment. I just watched the full episode, and while I initially thought it might be distasteful, (It's VH1, right?) I was delightfully surprised at how positive and tasteful it was. I think your decision to roll with the publicity of outing your sexuality on your blog a year ago is admirable. I have to say that my initial thought when I first read your coming out post was, "Hey look, this guy can do it…maybe my other gay friends have it in them to do it too." (Though I didn't act on that thought or suggest it to any of my gay friends) I want you to know that I am one of your success stories. I now know that that wasn't your intention to make me think that and that I need to love and accept all my loved ones (gay or straight) for who they are as people and to not judge them. I always considered myself to be a pretty non-judgmental person, but your blog has helped me look straight to my core and now I know that there are some judgmental thoughts lurking around in my subconscious and I am now working to dispel those thoughts. Thank you Josh and Lolly for your courage and your love of so many others.
I just saw this episode and looked on your website… I have a couple questions though….
First off, let me say God bless you guys in your venture and marriage. Such a sacred and blessing and especially your kids. May they grow to be just as strong as you guys are.
BUT- as I was reading the blogs and comments. I have some questions that you no one has really addressed…FIRST.
1. Have you prayed and asked God to truly release those attractions towards man?
In the bible it states that any attraction or "lust" to ANY person OUTSIDE of your mate is just as bad??….I mean its good that you are attracted to your wife, but how can you STILL call yourself gay when you are clearly attracted to her? You should not be physically or mentally even thinking about men or (women) for that matter when you are married. I'm not trying to be critical..just trying to understand?
2. To Lolly (LOVE YOUR NAME BTW). Do you miss the fact that your husband can't be TRULY and PHYSICALLY lust after you because you are a woman? That's part of being a woman… that men love our body parts and want to explore and constantly fantasizing about us. It's attractive. It's also attractive that your husband can just have eyes for you and know that his physical needs are met. Basically what I am asking is "Is it frustrating knowing you will never be the WOMAN your man TRULY physically WANTS?"
you guys are young. At some point, even in marriage- your physical needs need to be met? YEs they may be meeting it at the moment…like the first 10-15 years, but if that's the case…your husband would not call himself GAY? He would just be too content to be gay? Why not just call himself "happy". Basically what I am asking is….why call yourself Gay or even "out" yourself when you are in a happily great marriage and sex life? That is not "gay". That's called a happy great marriage, family and sex life, with no lusting after "others". If you are lusting and "attracted"(another name for lust), then that sounds like it might be a problem- and end up being miserable…. God did not call us to be physically miserable when it comes to sex. He wants us to enjoy it! And be physically attracted to ONLY YOUR WIFE/HUSBAND.
Sorry if this is sounding harsh and long, but I just would like to understand.
Blessings to you all.
Hi Josh and Lolly,
You don't know me, but I read one of your posts quite a few months back about your decision to come out on your 10 year anniversary. I am gay, and not particularly religious–although, raised Catholic and then dabbling in a few Christian denominations up until 2 years ago when I came out and was rejected because I told my pastors that I am gay and that I am not opposed to one day being in a gay relationship.
Anyway, I wanted to tell you both that I was a bit skeptical about your relationship at first, but after watching the VH1 special I can tell that there is so much love in your household, and I am so happy for you both. I really wanted to tell you that I am so sorry that the gay couple told you that you "aren't invited to the party." I think that some in the LGBT community can be very exclusionary, and Josh is right to say that even though the community talks about being inclusive that isn't always the reality. I think that the community has experienced so much hurt and a sense of loss, but that there are some people who have very strict ideas about who's in and who's out. In my humble opinion "membership approval" is NOT what the community should be about at all. Rather, it should be about finding common ground and inclusivity regardless of one's sexual orientation, gender identity etc. You both seem like you are very inclusive people who don't judge others on whom they love (or have sex with), but rather on the content of their character, and that's beautiful!
I do have some questions:
1) What is your ward's position on homosexuality and gay couples?
2) What would you do if one of your daughters came out to you?
3) Do you think that the Mormon Church will ever accept a gay couple the way that they would a straight couple?
Thank You,
Jesse
You both are amazing. Thank you for sharing your story.
Is it okay to make fun of Reality TV for a minute? I'm a huge fan of you guys and what you were doing–but I couldn't help but laugh as I saw Josh making breakfast having an obviously staged conversation whilst Lolly was holding a SEALED container of oatmeal. Don't think I'm targeting you in any way, just gotta love people trying to be genuine while a bunch of strangers are looking at them through lenses. Particularly when it's a one time unpracticed thing. Power to you.
I greatly appreciated watching that clip. In this world of confusion and extreme spectrums between how we are supposed to be, it is so refreshing to see how you guys can love each other so thoroughly. I'm LDS, waited for my husband on his mission, got married in the temple, had three kids together, fought to get those three kids here together as they were all premature (the earliest came at 27 weeks, and the longest was 35 weeks), built a house together, only to have him leave me and my children in poverty so he can have an affair with his high school girlfriend. So watching you two on that clip I couldn't help but feel envious, hoping that I can have someone look at me the way Josh looks at Lolly. That look of connection, of love, of I'm so glad you're mine. You guys are amazing and need to know that there are more people grateful for what you have done for the LDS perspective than not. I pity those close minded mean guys who so easily judged you for not fitting into their ideal of what a gay man should be. May the Lord be with you.
You and your wife have convinced me that LOVE; true, pure, and romantic really does exist. Lolly is such a wonderful, and strong woman. She inspires me. I hope to have the spirit with me always so that the vital choices I make can lead me to an eternal marriage like you have, that's based on what really matters most. Thank you.
-Sarai
Great show, I enjoyed it. It inspired me to listen to the pod casts and on Saturday I ran 10 miles with Josh and Lolly! (First and half of the second, Mormon Stories pod casts done). Thanks for sharing so much of yourselves.
Happy one year coming out anniversary, Josh and Lolly! Thank you so much for sharing so much of yourselves and blessing so many people's lives. I know my own life has been blessed greatly by you two this last year, in many, many ways. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
You are one of my favorite Weeders! I love that you remembered that without me having posted yet. And such sweet words. As a "reward?" I used a picture with you in it on the anniversary post that I just published. The one where you were being a creeper? 'Member? (Didn't label it or anything, but you're in there!)
Thanks so much for being a part of this.
Thanks so much for the response! I think you have me confused with another Rebekah, though (I know… two avid Weeders named Rebekah with a "k"… crazy, huh? I guess that just goes to show how many people you've touched!)Rebekah Lindsley is the one in the picture. I'm Rebekah Clark, although I've always posted on here as simply Rebekah. Maybe I need to change that and add a picture to avoid confusion! Anyhow, I still think you guys are awesome! Thanks again… for everything. 🙂
You win even MORE Rebekah Clark!!! I have noticed in the past that there were two Rebekahs, and now I know you are Rebekah Clark.. Both you and Rebekah L are awesome Rebekahs! Thanks so much for noticing that it was our anniversary. Seriously, that was so cool to me. You are one of my favorite Weeders, for reals!
Thanks! 🙂 I'm glad you know who I am now! 😉 Maybe someday we will get to meet in person! I live in California… formerly/soon to be Wisconsin… which is why I haven't gotten to attend anything you are speaking at yet. I've sure wished that I could, though. I hope this doesn't sound too strange, but I FEEL like you and Lolly are my friends. You've blessed my life in ways you probably haven't even considered, not only strengthening my testimony and helping me to love other people more, but also helping me to love and come to know myself more. Heavenly Father sure works in mysterious ways… sometimes even through people we've never met! Thank you for your courage to share even when it's hard. You guys are doing more good than you know.
It's a beautiful love story.
Josh & Lolly, I just watched "I'm married to a…" on Hulu.com and I have to say GREAT FOR YOU TWO. I'm a gay man, was married to a woman and it didn't work out for us, not for reasons of my sexuality. We had two kids together. I grew up in a very small Alaskan town and what I knew of gay men was the televisionized limp wristed, lisping butt end of a joke kind of gay. Since I've personally come out I've come to experience and realize that there are many many kinds of relationships and their uniqueness may not be for everyone and that we should be supportive of any relationship. It's hard enough to find someone that we can care about and love and poo poo'ing others relationships isn't something that I condone. Thank you for being so brave and showing the world your unique story.
Mr. and Mrs. Weed,
I am leaving you this comment because I am a Christian and because I have known and been close to several young men who have struggled with their sexuality and their faith. I can't pretend to truly understand the struggle, because I have never been through it myself, but I have seen so much of what they went through. I admire your message that love and acceptance is what is most important. These issues are very complex. I honestly never thought that a gay man could be happily married to a woman and fulfilled in that relationship, but seeing the episode online really gives food for thought. I'm glad you feel happy. That's what is important. I just want to encourage you to keep deciding what is best for you, for the both of you. I think you are very brave. I hope that both communities will come to love and accept you and all those like you, and that you will be embraced with open arms. May God bless you and your family in your relationship and in all your endeavors, whatever the future may hold.