Because sometimes my middle school clients say the most hilarious stuff. Really in some ways it’s kind of a shame I’m not risking my job multiple times a week to break confidentiality and tell you about it. You’re probably just going to have to trust me on this one.
However, it is not time to talk about that (nor will it ever be). It is time to talk about The Second The Weed Wednesday Wrap-up which I’m getting the feeling will always and forever more appear on either Thursday or Friday because that’s how I roll–at least one day behind, and proud of it.
1. My in-laws moved all of the stuff out of their house, which we’re renting. It leaves the house with this empty we’re-too-poor-to-own-furniture kind of feel. And also a wow-we-really-need-to-clean-the-floorboards kind of feel. And also a holy-crap-the-garage-is-full-of-boxes-I-don’t-want-to-unpack kind of feel. And finally a hmmm-this-place-actual-feels-like-our-own-place-and-I-really-like-that kind of feel. Even though that’s inaccurate. Because if we’re too poor for furniture, we’re WAY too poor to own home. But we’re happy to be renting theirs.
2. I go to bed on time now. Kind of. In my world on time is before midnight but usually after 11:30pm. And I’ve only done it two consecutive nights. But it’s totally possible that I will break a life-time pattern of irregular sleep habits and chronically late nights which is so ingrained in me from my family of origin (lights go off at my parent’s house before 12:00 approximately… never) that I literally feel anxiety going to bed early because it feels like I’m missing something really, really important–and whose to say I won’t do so this week?
3. Speaking of compulsive behaviors that I try to control on a regular basis but can’t, I was on Twitter last night when I got word that Pomplamoose was doing a live webcast right that minute. It was going to be three songs and it was going to be live and kind of private, like they were playing just for me because they love me personally and want to wish me a Merry Christmas, and I was very excited.
(Wait, you don’t know Pomplamoose? Shame on you for not reading my archives. Actually, wait, there’s no shame in that at all–my archives are maudlin and very dramatic and about my childhood, but not in a funny and clever way. More in a ADHD is pretty much as bad as cancer so you should feel sorry for me and oh wait this is basically me doing my own therapy online but I don’t realize it kind of way. Anyway, click here to see some of their stuff.)
The point of this story is that when I got this unexpected surprise, something inside me screamed out and said “See? See how being pathologically connected to the internet pays off? You would have totally missed this if your relationship with the Internet were even an ounce less intense than a diabetic’s relationship with insulin or Lindsey Lohan’s relationship to crack.” Then I sat down, watched it, and allowed the dopamine rush I got to confirm, yet again, the correctness of my addiction decision to engage in online social media.
4. I want this one to be short because I’m tired. How about: I did a four hour drug and alcohol assessment on Monday (called the GAIN) for the first time. Thing is, I’m pretty sure this assessment is a bit counterproductive because I’ve never wanted to do drugs more in my entire life than during the course of that mofo. For realz. I was almost like “Hey, man, let’s just go out and get wasted…” about half way through just so we could be done and I’ve never drunk alcohol or done drugs in my life and never will. (Fellow professionals who read this blog, the rhetorical device I have employed here is called “hyperbole” which is an exaggeration, sometimes for comedic effect. In other words, DON’T JUDGE ME FOR TELLING A JOKE.)
5. Finally, I watched a TV show with my beautiful wife after a long, busy day on Thursday. Oh wait, that hasn’t happened yet. But it’s going to right now.
Good night.
I laughed out loud when I read the last paragraph under #3. Also, I like the music. I remember it from when you posted it originally but then I never listened to them again but should have. Also, I should be asleep right now. I am also a late-night person, as you know. Which is not a good habit, as you also know. In conclusion, good night.
Weed, my friend, you don't need to tell us you're using hyperbole. I knew you were exaggerating when you said you'd never done drugs and never will.
@Ashley–I'm very glad to know that I'm not alone in my night owl habits.
@Mr. Fob–Mr. Fob, obviously I was not referring to my drug use history–there I was being honest. Isn't it obvious that I was talking about the fact that the assessment took four hours?
Ambiguity sure complicates things. FOR ANYONE WHO IS WONDERING, I WAS ACTUALLY HYPERBOLIC ABOUT WANTING TO DO DRUGS WITH A CLIENT. THAT NEVER HAPPENED AND NEVER WILL. EVERYBODY CALM DOWN. (Thank you, Mr. Fob, for pointing this out.)
Wait, are you being hyperbolic now? I can't tell.
I am now officially a fan of Pomplamoose. #goes to YouTube to add to faves.
AM I TO UNDERSTAND THAT EVERYTHING NOT IN CAPS IS SUBJECT TO BEING INTERPRETED AS HYPERBOLE, AND THAT WHICH IS IN CAPS IS STRAIGHT-UP TRUTH? IT SEEMS THAT THE MORE DELIBERATE APPROACH WOULD BE TO PUT THE OBVIOUS EXAGGERATION IN OBVIOUSLY EXAGGERATED TEXT.
SPECIFICALLY, ALL CAPS = HYPERBOLE, ALL ELSE = MORE OR LESS TRUTH.
OF COURSE, THAT COULD LEAD TO ALL KINDS OF COMPLICATIONS, WITH THE SCATTERED USE OF HYPHENS AND ITALICS. SPECIFICALLY, I WOULD BE CONFUSED IN A WHAT-DOES-THE-HYPHENATED-ALL-CAPS-BUT-NOT-ITALICISED-RUNON-MEAN KIND OF WAY.
MAYBE YOU'RE BETTER OFF EXPLICITY DENOTING YOUR USE OF HYPERBOLE, AND WHEN YOU DON'T I ASSUME I CAN TAKE IT AT FACE VALUE EVEN IN A COURT OF LAW IF IT EVER CAME TO THAT DUE TO THIS FORMAL CONTRACT WE ARE ENTERING INTO HERE. IF I HAD BIGGER CAPS I WOULD DENOTE THAT THE LAST SENTENCE WAS ME USING HYPERBOLE.
For the record, I'm one of the calm ones on this issue. But I do judge you. Though I'm not a peer. So it likely doesn't matter. I'm just saying.
I wish you were able to break confidentiality, I also wish I could start my own blog which would be pure quotes and stories from clients. Maybe then people would really understand our world, haha!
Thanks for the Pomplamoose tip. I took it months ago and have been a fan ever since. They are doing car commercials now!
BHuff
as a Hairstylist I am not bound by Confidentiality- but I still engage in crazy conversations that I should not hear or repeat.
Ex)
First job in a Salon.
Woman comes to me that I recognize as my Mom's friend from Church.
Proceeds to tell me all about her kinky sex-life and strange party habits.
Did I mention she was at least 65.
Not as traumatic as seeing multiple breasts in one sitting as a 19 year old missionary, but still creepy, still does not seem like it should be in the job description of a Hair Stylist!
wow, that was practically my own post. thanks for letting me do it on your Blog instead of mine. (just in case the creepy sex-addict still keeps in touch with my mom and has started to follow my Blog)