Morning Run
Disclaimer: the following story is not for the faint of heart. Stop reading if you're grossed out easily. You have been warned. It was bitterly cold when my friend Ryan and I started a 10 mile run this morning. But the cold was invigorating, and the morning was...
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How well do you know The Weed?
Ahem. One of the following is a lie. 1. I bite my fingernails, but not as a nervous habit. It's very purposeful and started because I would get annoyed when my fingernails got in the way of me playing the violin. So I just chewed them off. Problem...
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Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Being Wife is HARD
I really feel bad for Wife sometimes. I mean it. Being at home raising kids all day? NOT always a bag of giggles and a knapsack of laughs. For one thing, you have to deal with a lot of crap. And by crap I mean feces as well as bad behavior from toddlers. For another,...
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Fart jokes are funny… right? RIGHT?
Sometimes I get confused about what is funny. This is not a helpful predicament for a "humor" blog. The other night I was resting on the couch typing a post and I was so tired I was falling asleep as I typed. I ended up typing some really random things pertaining to...
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Voting time: the polls are now open! UPDATED
All right guys. Let's not waste any time here, okay? It's V-day and wife is waiting for me upstairs. (Cue salacious music.) So, I've been doing a lot of thinking. I've looked over my sketches in this post, and well... while there's a lot to be proud of there, I...
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So, Apparently My Life is Basically the Twilight Series
Except with more pink. And less Bella Swan Cullen Whatever I Haven't Read The Books Because I Am Male. (Confession: I read the first book. But then I remembered I have boy privates and got really bored during the second book and stopped.) Point is: I think my...
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Going into Shock–The Burning Tree and The Bus
Hey, remember how I faint like a girl when a piece of popcorn lands within five feet of me and I think it was close to hitting me and how I told you about it and you now equate me with an 18th century damsel who requires that squires lay down their cloaks so that I...
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Blog Redesign!
Here's the thing. I'd really love to change the look of my blog. You know, make it look clean and cool and aesthetically scrumptious. The kind of blog you look at and your heart rate drops a little and you sigh and you feel transported to a riverbed of cool...
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Going into Shock–Toes and Thumbs
I go into shock pretty easily. Perplexingly, this is the first picture that shows up searching for "in shock" on Google. Even more perplexingly, this is number four. (Also, apparently perplexingly isn't a word? Spell check is saying it doesn't exist.) When it...
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Wait, this is a competition? Oh, of course it is! I knew that!
I must confess. I'm Twittertarded.* Being horrible at Twitter is fine for most people--I mean, who the crap cares what random people think in random 30 character snippets or whatever, right? But for someone who's trying to break into the world of writing, not being...
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Did I ever tell you about the time I got thrown in jail in Venezuela PART II-The next and final installment.
This is the post where I tell the rest of the story about when I got thrown in jail in Venezuela. First, go here to read Part I. This second part will make a whole lot more sense. Go on. We'll wait. No? Okay fine, the basic recap is that at the end of my two-year LDS...
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And the winner is…. (Plus a photo of me when I was really, really fat!) UPDATED WITH SECOND WINNER
Well, I've tallied up all the votes and it's now time to reveal the lucky winner of one (1) complimentary $25.00 gift card to The Cheesecake Factory and one (1) complimentary vibrator called The Little Thumper. Clarification: WIFE tallied up all the votes while I...
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