Frequently Asked Questions

This is now outdated, but it gives a glimpse of where we were five years ago 🙂

Okay, so you’re gay?

Yes. I’m homosexual.

And you’re married to a woman?

Yup.

How does that work exactly? 

Well, I detail a lot of that in my original coming out post. Let’s just say here that it works very well, and we are incredibly happy.

So, you’re also Mormon?

Yep. I’m a devout Mormon who holds a current temple recommend. I believe the LDS church is the restored version of the church Jesus Christ established when he was kickin’ it in Jerusalem.

What was this blog before you came out?

This blog originally started as a blog about my ADD (Inattentive subtype of ADHD). It was a pretty sad place then and a lot of those posts are really serious and really tragic-sounding. Then it morphed into a moderately popular humor blog, which was lots and lots of fun. I did that for a couple of years, and most of the posts on the blog are humor posts. A few of my favorites are this one about a morning run and this one about the time I nearly played trivial pursuit with Ken Jennings. Also, a classic is Bambi Nuggets.

What is this blog about now?

This blog is about my life. I still love to write humor posts, but I’m also chronicling the story of my family as we traverse the new terrain of my being out, and the media attention that has garnered. Lolly and I talk about the issue of homosexuality, and other issues we feel are important. We hope to foster more understanding and empathy among all people.

I have some more questions for you. Is there a way I can contact you?
Absolutely. You can email me at joshUA dot weed at gmail dot com. However, I must tell you that I’m really, really bad at replying. I try hard. I really do. But sometimes I just can’t. I spent a long time feeling really guilty about this, but then I realized that the guilt was dominating my life, and I just had to be kind to myself and accept reality: I’m not going to be able to respond to everyone even though I really, really want to. So, feel free to contact me, but just know that if I don’t respond, it’s not because you’re not amazing. You *are* amazing. It’s because I have ADD and the attention span of a firefly on PCP.
Do you read every comment and email you receive?

Yes. As I said, I can’t respond to everything. That would be a full-time job and I already have two careers (therapist and writer). But I read it all, and you’d be amazed at how much impact a positive (or negative) comment or email can have on my day.

Can I get a referral to a good therapist from you?
I really don’t know very many therapists. I probably don’t know any at all in your area. But what I do know is that it’s a good idea to therapist-shop. Studies show that a lot of your success in therapy will depend on your connection to your therapist. You’ll know you’ve found someone right for you if you feel it “click” in the first session. If you don’t feel that “click” then keep looking. You are paying for a service. It should be a service that feels right and that you enjoy. Don’t be ashamed to therapist shop!
Can you be my therapist?

Possibly I do local (Seattle area) therapy and I also have some limited slots for Skype clients (depending on what state you live in). Here’s my listing in Psychology Today.

29 Comments

  1. Just a quick comment to say I support what you are doing. I am sure your decision to live the life you have chosen wasn't easy, but you and your wife have been honest with each other, accepted each other and have made a happy life together. I don't understand why someone who is openly gay has a problem with that. They made their choice, so did you. I am not saying every person who is gay should choose the way you have, but that you have the right to make your own choice and that's what life is (to me at least), making the choice that makes you happy. Good luck with all of this and congratuations on your beautiful family.

  2. I haven't read anywhere about how the male members of the church treat you since they know you are homosexual. I don't expect that you are welcomed with open arms. Are you and your wife active members in your ward?

  3. Hi, I am glad that you both have each other and are happy… but … as a woman who *did* have a gay male best friend, who died of HIV/AIDS in 2003…. I would like Lolly to comment about a couple of things, hopefully publicly, before a whole generation of women believe that "they can make it work" with their gay male friends with enough "resolve" ….
    First, Lolly, although it could be obvious or 'without saying' or 'beneath your dignity to have to say it', I think the American women reading you need to know that you probably would not have married Josh if you did not have complete faith that he could be monagamous, and would not expose you to disease.
    Secondly, Lolly… for those who are not familiar with LDS values except in the most stereotyped way …. it seems worthwhile and necessary for you to mention that you were both virgins when you married and that you agreed to learn about sexuality and customize your knowledge to one another.
    Girls who have gay male friends who have already had relationships with men (and become aware that that is where their predilections and preferences are) are probably far less likely to make committed husbands to a heterosexual woman.
    You do not want to lead a generation of women into a lifetime of disease and suffering because they apply the elements of your life (that they think they can) to their own, do you?
    The things you *don't* say are just as important here as the things you do — and you need to say them: that if Josh had not been able to commit to all of the conditions of monogamous marriage, that you'd never even remotely have considered it (if that is in fact the case) — and, if there were particular questions you asked him to assure yourself of his bona fides, you should share those questions with the women who might otherwise walk in your footsteps (or believe they are doing so).

    1. Firstly, being homosexual does not equal being riddled with disease. Secondly, being homosexual also does not mean that one is incapable of being monagamous. Thidrly, even if someone is homosexual, it doesn't mean that they are incapable of practising safe sex. Way to stereotype.

    2. Well as impressive as Lolly is I don't think she can be held responsible for misleadingly a whole generation of women. Secondly how is it after committing to each other Josh also has to reassure Lolly he will not give her a disease. Its the same commitment so why any different than a straight man. Lastly, Josh and Lolly have been kind enough to share that they have a healthy normal sex life. What you are asking is far too personal. This is what works for them. Not anyone else. JUST them. With prayer and trial and error they are blazing there own new trail just like you and me (but not).

  4. josh is a fraud. He is one of those therapist who tries to convert gay people, like they are sick or something.

    1. Not true. If you would have read his other posts, you would have known that he is actually OPPOSED to that kind of therapy. Don't bash on a good guy just trying to help people no matter what their orientation or beliefs.

    2. It ok to be gay as long as you don't have any same sex relationships. The chruch say its ok to be gay as long as you don't do any gay things. You can only think gay in your head. Are you people that stupid.

    3. You obviously need a. reading glasses or b. refuse to read factual material. Josh has written many posts regarding his sexuality and has even produced video's against conversion therapy. IF you are a member of the Gay community, or support it, you should be ashamed. All people should be accepted and that is exactly what those in (or supportive of)the Gay community should remember. The fact that Josh fell in love with Lolly doesn't have anything to do with his sexuality….and to the last poster: I do want to say that it's okay to be Gay, period. If you are talking about the LDS church in particular, Yes, it is against church doctrine but many members do things that aren't approved by the church doctrine and should still be considered as members.

    4. This is a different anon, but:
      -Ex-gay therapy has changed over the last few years. It's not about conversion anymore because that wasn't working. Now it's about what Josh is doing- knowing you're gay, but not acting on it (through celibacy or "opposite"-sex marriage) because it's not "God's plan". Of course, this method has a huge failure rate too (one gay morman man, in the same situation as Josh, for whom it collapsed said though he loved his wife, he felt dead inside the whole time he was married to her). I would believe this was just his personal decision if he wasn't publishing it widely as if it's the new "good news".
      -It seemed clear to me from reading his coming out entry that Josh is not and has never been in love with Lolly. He even talks about how that's a good thing in their case because being in love and feeling lust for one another would not allow for the kind of intimacy they have. He is not attracted to her sexually or romantically because he is gay (and by gay he, and most gay people, means exclusively homosexual). If this is not the case, then "gay" is probably not the most accurate word for his orientation.

    5. – Being a gay man married to a woman isn't the definition of "ex-gay." There are gay men married to women in the ex-gay movement, but that doesn't imply every gay man married to a woman is an ex-gay.

      – His coming out post is clearly written for his friends and family; I doubt he expected to go viral. I won't speculate about why he began his advocacy, but if you read his homosexuality-related entries and the comments, it's fairly obvious that he's speaking to people for whom homosexuality is an unfamiliar subject, many of whom do not support LGBT equality. Whatever your opinion of Josh's views is, they are more progressive than the views he is speaking against.

      – There are quite a few people who describe themselves as straight or gay in spite of a few "exceptions." There have been surveys of the number of heterosexuals who have been sexually attracted to the same sex or had sex with the same sex. The number is HIGH. 😉

  5. Here's my question…I don't know where to ask, so I just picked the first comment box I found. I really hope you read and answer. I also live in Washington (Tri-Cities). With the upcoming election, R74 is on the ballot…the one about redefining marriage. What are your thoughts? Where do you stand? Thanks in advance…I think you and your family are amazing. 🙂

  6. Are you sure you email is correct? I wrote a very personal email to josh.weed at gmail.com and uhh got a message that it was the wrong Josh and wished me luck. Gladly they weren't rude or demeaning, but uhh talk about embarrassed!

  7. Joshua,

    Can I speak to your parents somehow? Blog, Email, phone? Or someone that can help me through this? Your wife's parents? or someone? I am having a terrible time. I have no one to turn to.

    1. Email Josh and see what he says (joshua dot weed at gmail dot com) I doubt he'll give away his parent's contact details out in public.

  8. Josh and Lolly,
    I read your post on coming out today and was very impressed by what you have together. I appreciate your honest and candid discussion from a perspective I have never heard before. I'm especially thankful to see a solid understanding and application of gospel principles that directly effect every aspect of your daily lives. Thank you. I appreciate what you have done in opening my mind and heart.

  9. Do you acknowledge the Kinsey Scale (0-6) bi-sexuality, gender identity or expression)? Would it not be correct to say that you are really bi-sexual assuming you are sexually attracted to your wife?

  10. Homosexuality is one of the three main categories of sexual orientation, along with bisexuality and heterosexuality, within the heterosexual-homosexual continuum (with asexuality sometimes considered a fourth).
    If Mr. Weed is not sexually attracted to his wife, he is a homosexual.
    If Mr. Weed is attracted to his wife he is bi-sexual.

  11. Josh, are you familiar with the process of how knowledge is certified through the scientific method and independent peer review? You would be doing the scientific community a great service, not to mention others who may want to suppress the sexual attractions in order to be married to someone of the opposite sex. A psychological evaluation and research based on scientific rigor, into how to make it work as a peer reviewed independently verified practicum in the social and psychological sciences. Teaching the josh weed method in medical schools throughout the world to treat others with SSA. As it stands right now, your evidence a proof is based on because we say it is so evidence. This is does not meet the benchmark or standard to validate your claims for efficacy or true fact. Your claims need to be subject to scientific rigor to have more value that the talk show circuit on the view for example.

    1. I don't believe Josh has ever claimed to be trying to carry out a formal research study, only share his personal experience. Many people share their personal life experiences for the benefit of others and themselves. I value the insights he's brought to the table and his personal experience. Thanks Josh

      Lisa

  12. Josh, you inspire me to keep going, no matter how hard it gets. I don't care about the statistics, nor do I care about the science. I know that the Lord can make all things possible, and that all who struggle with SSA have hope of finding the same happiness as you have, and in this life too, enjoying all the blessings promised to us. Thank you.

    1. I know that I cannot speak to anyone who has SSA and say that I understand what you are going through. However, as a divorced single woman who is a member of the LDS Church, I find this story speaks to me as well. I might be attracted to men, but I have chosen to only have a sexual relationship within the confines of marriage. What that means for me is that I have lived celibate for a great many years because I have not found the right person and refuse to compromise and live an inauthentic life or feel empty and dead inside (like some SSA people have felt) I want to be truly loved as Josh loves Lolly, so until that happens I choose to be with no one.

      Finding peace within my life came by turning all my faith into my Heavenly Father and doing all I can to follow the commandments and principles of the gospel. I am lonely at times but I am content in knowing that I am happier following the gospel than living a lie just for sexual contact.

  13. Dear josh and lolly … i love him so much and i understand and respect his choices … im afraid that when i found your blog i became more convinced that we should get married … i dont want him yo be alone and at the same time i dont want to push him in any direction … we're best friends and he's been my angel …. but he believes that us getting married wont be fair for me …and i dont want to take away from him.the chance of finding true love … !!! Its a big mess and terrified to lose him !!! I cant live without him !!! Im lost !!!!

  14. Meh, you shouldn't be bothered by what people have you say about your lifestyle. you give a lot of inspiration to other gay people living in parts of the world where they could get killed or beheaded (saudi arabia) for being gay.

  15. I just want to say I am a member of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints and I support what you are doing. I joined the church later in my life when some great missionaries came and taught me. Though I do have my struggles within the church, I see a lot of members get very hung up on commandments and rules and I would like to say the central component of the religion or 90 percent of all religion is love. Love God, and just as importantly love thy neighbor as thyself. So my brother and to your family as well I am very supportive of what you're doing Not only are you showing charity but you also create a opportunity for others to serve by letting them show their charity. Thank you very much. Your story helps remind me we can overcome obstacles and that our heavenly father loves us. I appreciate it.

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