I’m reading about habits.

It’s something I do–read about habits and schedules and stuff. I do it when it’s time to re-engage with life.

I’m wanting to get back into things.

There’s been six months of my life that feel lost–I was surviving, plodding along, grieving obviously. This isn’t rocket science.

Grief has taken on new dimensions for me now–new contours and new depths. My understanding has increased, yet that comprehension seems inversely proportional to the ability to describe it in words. I’m beginning to realize how much of human experience cannot be put into words, which helps me understand why writing is so important–to push into those inscrutable terrains of human experience, of human emotion as it relates to compounding experiences, and try to represent it all in art. But I’m not going to be able to encapsulate the last six months into a paragraph. That much I know.

The last few days, I’ve felt more like myself than I have in a long time. I have wanted to get together with friends. I’ve felt things. I’ve felt ambition.

Right now I feel the desire to occupy my space–to reclaim my territories. That’s why I’m here this evening. Hello to you, if you’re still out there. I’ve missed you.

I’ve done this before, and I’ll do it again. I’ll always do it.

The timer just went off which means it’s time to go watch a show with Lolly and go to sleep.

For the first time in a long time, I’m excited by what tomorrow might bring.


  1. How very nice to see and read you again! I'm still grappling with that problem of how much can't be put into words – how much of the most important and central parts of life and the universe… so as this comes in and out of your thinking and sharing, I will be grateful to follow along.

  2. Nice to see you back. Grieving is as individual as one would expect and it takes a long time to regroup (I don't think we every truly get over the loss of a loved one, but it hopefully gets better with time). I really do believe it takes at least a year to go through the process. Glad you are moving in the right direction and I look forward to reading more from you. You've kept us entertained over the years and we've missed that, but totally understand your need to overcome a significant loss in your life. Merry Christmas to you and your family.

  3. Josh, this has been an incredibly hard year for you and your family. Your deep grief is very understandable. So glad you are feeling more like yourself. Your voice has been missed.

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