I’m here to write about the fact that yesterday 23 people arrived at our house for Christmas. And to herald that occasion, our toilet stopped working.
Here’s how it went down. (Do you see what I did there?)
It was a busy morning as we prepared to receive 4,334 house guests, and as you could imagine, things were getting chaotic as we cleaned and got things ready. At one point, in a freaky cosmic mash-up the likes of which makes things like sporks and platypuses and Lady Gaga, Anna was flushing the toilet at the precise moment that Tessa recklessly threw a toothbrush into the sink. What happened next was like slow-motion. The toothbrush ricocheted, and we all watched as it landed in the toilet in the precise moment the water went down, down, down.
So, as you can imagine, my first reaction was to panic needlessly and wonder why life had to be so cruel.
Second, we bribed Viva to reach her hand into the the toilet. As far as possible. Her reward? A piece of candy. (CPS should probably be notified.)
This was unsuccessful.
Then we remembered: Scott is coming.
Scott is Lolly’s brother who is currently getting a PhD in engineering because he’s in love with crazy things like transportation and math and “being all boy” and roller coaster construction and building things and stuff. He is The Chosen One when it comes to things like this in my wife’s family, and now, having married me, he is apparently The Chosen One for the Weed clan as well.
Well either him, or anyone I hire.
Anyway, Scott arrived and got down to business.
His first order of business? Removing the toilet from the floor. I didn’t even know this was a thing that could happen.
All right folks. It’s time for me to go be with family and such.