FFAQ–Let’s try this again ;-)

Hey guys! Sorry I have been MIA. I have a post that I’ve been working on talking about last weekend, but it is getting really looooong (but also really important) and isn’t ready yet–probably will be on Monday but don’t quote me on that because I’m not known for being able to predict the future. Or for getting things done on time. Or for even understanding how time works. (“Oh, ten to means ten before the hour. Not 10:02. Gotcha.”)

In the meantime though, it’s time to do another FFAQ.

Ground rules on this one are a little different though… I will answer any question you might have–really anything at all–but I’m going to ask you not to ask anything about the issue of gay marriage or my post from last week, mostly because, as I said, I’m already working on a post talking about that, and I don’t want to have to write two posts about this if it wins FFAQ. That would just be boring, for you and me both.

Okay, so, you know the ground rules. Unless you’re new here, in which case, here you go:

Post questions in the comments. If you see a question you want answered, reply with a “ditto.” Questions that win tend to be short, clear and asked within the first several hours after the post goes up. The questions can be about gayness, or about anything else (therapy question, personal life question, whatever). It’s okay if you want to ask a question that’s been asked before (even if I’ve answered it before a long time ago–my answer might be slightly different depending on how it’s asked). Last week was another example of a question that has been asked many times that, for whatever reason, got all the votes. This system is clunky and fickle, but it works. If you are actually reading this section let me know by writing the word purple in parentheses next to your ditto or question. The question chosen today will be answered next Friday, followed by another question the next Friday, and another answer the next, and so on and so forth, into perpetuity.

Ready. Set. Giddyup!

Oh, wait. This:

What would FFAQ be without our trusty label?

Okay, GO!


  1. Most typical marriages have some sort of boundaries in regards to the opposite sex (i.e. – in our household, we consider it inappropriate for one of us to go out alone with an opposite gendered friend). How do you handle this situation in your marriage…where its your same gender that you might be attracted to, but clearly need to have some dude friends?

    1. I'm not sure that most marriages have rules specific to the opposite sex, based on my limited observations. Besides the usual expectation of sexual monogamy (which normally pertains to both genders), I don't know whether there are "typical" boundaries which can be generalized. If there's empirical evidence on the subject, I'd be interested.

    2. Shayla, I don't think the question meant that the rules are typical for all couples, but that it's typical to have rules around the issue.

      As a man with SSA, I ditto the question.

    3. Ditto (purple)
      I know many couples that don't have these rules, but we do. My husband's parents' marriage fell apart after one spent too much time with someone else. Thinking about it, I think many people have expectations, but haven't necessarily laid down specific rules.

    4. Shayla…I didn't say anything about "rules" and I didn't say "typical boundaries" – I said "typical marriages have SOME SORT of boundaries". That wasn't implying that boundaries are the same for every marriage, just that they have them. Sexual monogamy is a boundary 🙂

    5. wyochick – Yes, I understood that much; sorry for any confusion. 🙂 I was mostly focusing on whether most couples have gender-specific rules (boundaries), such as the example you gave. Sexual monogamy usually applies to both genders – most men wouldn't want their wives to have sex with another man, but they wouldn't want her to have sex with another woman, either.

      It's an interesting question! 🙂

    1. Just my two cents; I think it depends on the person. A person may wish to tell the people closest to him. "Necessary"? It's not necessarily necessary (pardon that) to tell everyone else.
      Each individual can think about it and decide what's best for himself/herself/the people around him or her.

  2. Besides your parents, lolly, the Savior and Heavenly Father, who has had the largest impact on your life? Why? And how is your relationship with them now?

    1. But bible academic Professor James Crossley, from the University of Sheffield, compared Mr Atwill's theory to a Dan Brown fiction book.
      He told Mail Online: 'These types of theories are very common outside the academic world and are usually reserved for sensationalist literature.
      'They are virtually non-existent in the academic world.'
      He also suggested the theories are not taken seriously by experts.
      Mr Crossley said: 'People do debate about how much we can know about Jesus, but the idea that Romans invented stories about Jesus is outside of the academic world.'
      He added that this sort of theory can be 'irritating' to religion academics.

      Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2451087/American-Bible-scholar-claims-ancient-confessions-prove-story-Jesus-Christ-entirely-fabricated-Roman-aristocrats.html#ixzz2hS39QjZI
      Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

    2. hot sure what you mean by 'confessions' perhaps professions? I suggest you also check out the Jesus Seminar which involved a group of Biblical scholars concluding things that Jesus actually probably said, probably didn't and didn't for sure. Fascinating stuff. Also, appealing to logic doesn't usually ever cause people to question their core beliefs or so I've been told.

  3. I realize it's late in the game, and that this probably won't get chosen, but I'm still really curious as know what really made you decide, more than anything, to live heterosexually (whether it be lolly herself or a feeling or whatever).

  4. why are so many people so so obsessed with homosexuality? Would it have anything to do with a morbid fascination/repulsion of gay sex? A serious question.

    1. Speaking as somebody interested in LGB issues, I think it's partly because homophobia and discrimination are so deeply entrenched, pervasive, and often extreme (many countries still classify homosexuality as a capital offense), and because the issue relates to so many human touchstones: love, sex, family, gender, and so on.

  5. What is your clinical opinion about being married and using the bathroom with the door open. (This is a 50% serious question and 50% not-serious question…I just want to see what you say).

    1. ditto purple. I did read the post earlier. My only reason for not saying purple in earlier comments is that I usually forget directions or more often, they don't even register in my brain in the first place.

  6. I would like to know what kind of shenanigans you got into in your youth. Something involving spray paint, a goat, and Nyquil would be good. I hate to say "I told you so", but had you answered this question last week like I asked, well, just saying…

    I care less about what Josh Weed thinks about gay marriage and more about what the Supreme Court of the USA has to say. Of course there's Scalia. Damn him.


    (My third grade teacher told us we must never use the "P" word because she thought it ugly. I really don't know where this came from but she was very adamant about it. I've never before or since known anybody so opposed to the word. But she was my favorite teacher so I'm giving her props.)

    1. "I care less about what (insert name here) thinks about gay marriage and more about what the Supreme Court of the USA has to say."
      I wish more people would say that.

  7. oh this is way too late (purple) – didn't get to the computer till Saturday nite, my time.
    But maybe we can ask it again sometime??

    Please, PLEASE tell us more about how you came to play the violin and do you really have students now? That would be cool. Because I'm a violin teacher, that's why – but come on everyone, help me out next Friday and ditto this or I'll never, ever find out… sob. 🙂

  8. It's Saturday night but I want to say Purple anyway. 🙂 Because I read your post, not because I don't know what it's for. ;D

  9. How did you feel about the VH1 thing — being compared to other relationships that society regards as bizarre/unusual?

  10. Why did you take down the post about your opinion of gay marriage as a gay Mormon man married to a woman? I really liked it, and I'm sorry it's gone.

  11. I have a male friend who decided he was gay after childhood abuse by a female and 2 males. He lived as a gay man for over 20 years, but now says he is no longer gay. He says he is "cured". I have my doubts, but have been given varied opinions about it from an LDS bishop to my therapist to an openly gay cousin. I just wonder what you think. (I went from believing people chose to be gay to believing they are born that way to thinking abuse can cause someone to "turn" to now wondering if it is a little of all of those.) I don't really care if he is gay or not if we are just friends, but he has asked me out a couple times, and I need to know what I might be getting into.

  12. Did you remove a post on your thoughts on gay marriage? I postponed reading it for the next day and it was gone when I came back! Can't find it anywhere! 🙁

  13. I have a question since you're a therapist and good at validating feelings, and you have three little girls like me. How do you deal with your girls' fights? We have a 6 year old and a 4 year old who are having a hard time. It's hard to know what to do when they fight.

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