FFAQ VII–Time to ask some questions.

Do you like how you read a FFAQ answer yesterday, and there’s a new poll today?  Sometimes life gets crazy, y’all. Crazy. Our book proposal needs to be done by Monday, so we’re getting that sucker done. And writing that sentence fills me with excitement and amazement and joyness.

Oh! Someone sent me some FFAQ graphics, and I’m going to use one. Hold on, let me find it…
This was made by Brianna Dickerson, who is awesome. Brianna, if you have something you want me to link to (blog, etsy shop, art gallery, photography page), let me know. (Got it: click on her name and visit Brianna’s photography site.)
Thanks Brianna. You rock.

All right. You know the drill. If you have a question, ask it in the comments. The earlier you ask the better. Questions that get chosen tend to be shortish, clear and specific. Also, many questions that are chosen have been asked several weeks, so if you saw a question you liked in the past, re-ask it. If you see a question you like, say “ditto” in its comments. The question with the most “dittoes” is the one I answer next Friday, and then the next Friday we do another poll, and so on and so forth, forever and ever into perpetuity.
Oh, and someone asked last week if the questions have to be about gay stuff. Truth is, while I love talking about that, I would seriously LOVE  to answer a question about other topics as well. So anything’s game. Anything at all.
Bring on the questions! 
(And have a good weekend, Weeders. Much love to you all.)


  1. Third (or fourth?) try for the BSA question: "What are YOUR thoughts on the BSA stuff in the news the last week or two? I'm an LDS scoutmaster, and I honestly would have no objections to either having a gay scout or gay leader in the troop: as you've made so clear the last few months, identity and behavior are two very different things. I've come to learn that my opinion is very much not a popular one. However, your thoughts? Man, I cannot think of a more relevant opinion to the matter than yours. I'd really like to hear what you have to say about it."

    1. We all have come to know Josh and Lolly as extremely inclusive people. Is there really a need to keep asking this question? It's obvious to me that they'd be against people with SSA being excluded from the BSA. I could be wrong, but I highly doubt it.

    2. Ditto. I hope this counts, as it is early Saturday morning–your email blog update just arrived, which is always my prompt to run over here and find out I'm too late to comment…

    3. I am interested in this question too, and feel that it is important to distinguish between SSA (Same Sex Attraction) and SSB (Same Sex Behavior). I would not be comfortable with a male Boy Scout Leader who was actively having sexual relations with other men, especially young men. I would not have a problem if there was only SSA.

    4. I think you're confused David. You are describing the difference between pedophiles and gay men. They are not the same thing.

    5. Thank you Anon. I have had this conversation a thousand times recently. Somehow, people are getting both SSA and SSB (new term for me) confused with perversion. I would like to see statistics of the occurrence of pedophilia from gay men vs. pornography addicts. I'd be willing to bet that the risk is greater from porn addicts, and we have a ton of those in the church…

      If this question is chosen, I would love for you to give advice to how we can use the BSA discussion to improve the "them vs. us" mentality in our wards.

  2. what habits, routines, etc do you and lolly do that you feel strengthen your marriage the most? i think you guys are a great example of a happy and real marriage…you probably have some good ideas on truly nourishing the intimiate (not necessarily sexual) nature of marriage.

    1. Don't know if you can do a second ditto, but if you can, this would be one that I would second ditto. I'm sure that you have some pretty good advice seeing as how you're an MFT and all.

  3. I have a friend who is unable to support the LDS Church's position on gay marriage (as occasionally, yet strongly stated in Prop 8 and similar situations) because she feels she doesn't know how to love her gay friends while opposing giving them the right to marriage. What would you tell her?

    1. The church had not said you have to oppose gay marriage in order to be a faithful member. Yes prop 8 happened but the church has not done anything else since to take a stance that I know of.

      I know Josh was asked but I figured I would put my two cents out there since this is something that once really troubled me for a long time, as an active member of the church.

    2. "The church had not said you have to oppose gay marriage in order to be a faithful member. "

      Agreed, and I tried to explain the nuance by stating "occasionally, yet strongly"

  4. One of the biggest struggles that I've heard from men trying not to deny their SSA is the moments of complete and utter attraction to other men. Some get invested emotionally as well and the relationship is strained and their life is altered because of this struggle between what they want physically/sexually and their decision to live their life otherwise. Up until this point, your posts have been pretty benign in this area. There haven't been mentions of your struggle (other than "I struggle") and the picture is always a rosey one.

    Have you had an experience of intense sexual attraction to another man and if so how did you deal with this? How did Lolly deal with it? If not, do you think you are closer to asexual? I think more details on the struggle would help many.

    1. ditto! A lot of people in the gay community who "live the lifestyle" have said when they denied their ssa it eventually became to hard. Do you fear this will happen to you?

    2. I wonder if its like being married to the opposite sex – you quit looking. There are many I meet that, were I dating still and not married, I would consider dating (and I use the term to cover the broad range of activities engaged by christians and broader groups of people) but do not because I have decided to be monogamous in my marriage. You think "Oh wow! Gorgeous!" but you don't say "How you doin'".

    1. I would like this question addressed as well. It seems to me that the "Marriage Equality" argument is a complete fraud. Marriage is not a right. We don't apply for a license to obtain rights. Marriage is primarily about the two opposite genders coming together in complementary unity, secondarily about having children, third about raising a family, and lastly about expressing the commitment of love between two people. The homosexual marriage redefines marriage and turns it upside down so it is not really marriage at all. It completely destroys the importance of gender diversity in marriage, and it makes marriage out to be only a civil union or domestic partnership. I would really like to her Josh's perspective on this.

    2. You 100% get a marriage license for the rights associated with it. If you didn't why wouldn't you just have a religious ceremony and call that your marriage? You can't get a license with the federal government and not call it a contract/right. You can't have it both ways. And your above 3 examples are not the only reason people get married. Those are your opinions and views on marriage and they do not belong in my relationship.

    3. David Miller – you gave a little lecture there. If one wants homophobic rants, they can go to other Mormon blogs I say. this one seems to at least try and steer clear of that.

  5. I'd like to know what advice you and Lolly would give to your daughter if, in the future, she tells you that she is dating or engaged to a gay man.

  6. What advice would you give to another active mormon who was thinking of comeing out in a public way like you did, in a blogg, youtube, voices of hope.. Etc. what warnings would you give, what would you do different, what would you do the same?

  7. It's kind of a mulit-part question that I haven't figured out how to ask in a single question:

    1) How do you see intimacy working outside a sexual relationship?
    1a) Is a sexual relationship required for the deepest levels of intimacy?

    2) Do you agree that we have a problem with intimacy in our culture?

  8. what will you do when the church sanctions same sex relationships? If there is no homosexuality in the after life, what will happen to same sex couples in this life who love each other as much as you and Lolly love each other?

  9. I want to know about your career. How has your work as a therapist been affected by

    1. Your newfound celebrity.
    2. Your coming out, especially as it has to do with a seemingly-double lifestyle.*
    3. **how does your unshielded candor on your blog affect your client-therapist relationship?***

    * (don't get me wrong; I don't think you are being dishonest as a gay married man, but it appears that many do)
    ** (Very much related to the last part of #2)
    *** I greatly respect your emotional lability**** that comes through your writing. It is raw and refreshing, but it would seem that many clients want a therapist who is somehow superhuman and above the fray, though for some people, I could see the opposite as well.
    **** (and I mean that in a good way)
    ***** I moved all my parenthetical remarks to a special section to keep the question more streamlined. You didn't really think I could resist waxing all parenthetical, though, did you?

    1. ****** how long did you spend searching for the source of the five-star note? Just think: during that time I had complete control of your mind.

  10. I just wanted to make a suggestion. Why don't you leave Friday open for people to submit questions, and only allow 'dittos' on Saturday? Am I missing some obvious reason? (Totally possible, since it's after 3 a.m. and I've been up on and off throughout the night with my baby.) I always notice at least one or two really good questions that are asked a little later in the day, but seem to have no chance of being picked if it's after about 11 a.m. or maybe noon. Personally, I'm almost never online until at least noon, because my kids usually keep me busy until I get a break while they eat lunch. It would be nice to still be able to post a question and have some hope of it being picked then. 🙂

  11. Hi! Do you ever miss the old days (pre-June) when your public persona was just Josh Weed, blogger with a gift for capturing the absurdity of life? As a fellow ADD adult, I know that I tend to bounce around from subject to subject like a, well, like a person with ADD. I can imagine if it were me, I might feel the enormous pressure of responsibility choke my creativity. And the added stress would also leave me more emotional (read: irritable). Are you experiencing those downsides?

    All the best,
    Tanya Doyle

  12. Question: Would gay people want to have their own bathroom? Because when i am in the men's locker room i feel as if there are gay people checking me out and i feel uncomfortable. The same reasoning applies to if a guy was to enter a woman's locker room, it would make the women feel uncomfortable and he would be classified as a pervert.

    1. I think that you might be imagining things, Josh. Honestly.

      Most gay guys grew up sharing bathrooms and locker rooms with other guys and have learned to control their eyes much more than a guy entering a woman's locker room (which isn't that common).

      Perhaps you could consider changing in a stall if you are convinced that people are checking you out.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.