FFAQ VII–Poll time!

Is it seriously already Friday again?

I’m not complaining, mind you. Very glad it’s Friday for several reasons, not the least of which is that it’s my free day so I allow myself to eat EVERYTHING EVAR NOMNOMNOMNOM a little more than I do on my normal clean-eating days.

Fridays are my writing days now. I’ve spent the morning listening to Ann Lamott interviews (I’m obsessed with her lately) and getting ready to SPANK the memoir. Next I’ll go on a run, take some crap to the dump and then write like a writing super champ.

But right now I need to put up a post for Friday’s Frequently Asked Question.

If you’re new here, here’s how this goes down: ask a question in the comments. Any question. About anything. People will vote on the questions that accrue by placing the word “ditto” under the question they most like. Whichever question gets the most “dittoes” I will answer in a post next Friday. And so on and so forth into perpetuity. It’s not the most elegant system, but it does work.

Questions that get chosen tend to be somewhat short, very direct and clearly written. The earlier in the day you ask, the more time you have to get dittoes. Last week one question won by a landslide, but most weeks there is a near-tie broken by only one or two votes, so don’t despair if your question isn’t the first or hasn’t gotten tons of dittoes really early in the morning. Also: many of the questions I’ve answered so far have won only after having not gotten enough votes in previous weeks, so recycled questions are a really good idea, actually.

Hmmmm… what else? Voting closes at 12:00. I might not turn off comments, but I will simply erase them in moderation after 12:00.

Also, thank you so much for your questions. Some of my very favorite posts have been written in response to a really great, thought provoking question. Thank you so much for making this experience a conversation, and a sharing of ideas. I’m so blessed to have this dang blog, and blessed by each one of you who visits.

All right, BRING IT.

(PS, does someone want to make me a FFAQ graphic? If you make me one and I like it and use it, I’ll totally pimp you out.. I may even pimp you out if I don’t end up using it. Email me at joshua (don’t forget the “ua”) dot weed at gmail dot com.)


  1. How do you deal with the judgement? I have family who, no matter what my spiritual temperature at the moment, treat me like I am beneath them in their spiritual walk. I struggle constantly with feeling judged.

  2. how do you address the debate of being born gay or it being a choice? i know with being LDS, we tend to have a different view of body vs spirit and agency and all that. do you feel that your spirit is attracted to the same sex or is it a body thing? I would love to hear your take on this issue. 🙂

  3. How do you and Lolly handle "boundaries" with other adults in your marriage? Most couples have unwritten rules to safeguard their marriage and not get too attached to someone outside the marriage, such as not spending a lot of time alone with a friend of the opposite sex, or whatever…in your position, you are attracted to your same gender, but the opposite gender might be attracted to you. So how do you deal with those boundaries?

  4. What advice would you give to your daughter in the future if she comes to you and says she is dating or engaged to a gay man?

  5. You clearly love your wife very deeply, but are there ever times that you question or despise the church or it's teachings because you can't act on your feelings? And how different do you think your life would be, if in your adolescence, you did act on those feelings?

  6. You once said that when you were coming out, you and Lolly prayed on who to come out to, at what time and how to do it. Were there any disputes or 'one side' decisions or did you really make all the decisions together?

  7. Along the same vein as the general gay marriage thread…do you think it will ever be accepted in the Church? People often compare it to blacks now being able to hold the priesthood. Do you think homosexuals will ever be permitted to marry each other in the temple? Do you think the Church being against gay marriage is merely a (for lack of a better term) "cultural mindset", or is it more doctrinal?

    1. I can answer that already… no and no. The reason is because of the belief that God's laws (especially when it comes to procreating and intimacy) does not change. If it was God's ways, we would all be evolving to be asexual were we could all have babies. The church believes in God's laws hence why the church doctrine will not change and gay relationships will always be a sin, hence why gay marriage will never be allowed in the church. The church is on building families. See the proclamation of the family to see more. I think the church being against gay marriage is both cultural and doctrinal but more doctrinal in a nature because of what I said above.

    2. It is, without question, a doctrinal issue. The doctrine is extremely clear and repetitive (in many different passages). The way people behave about it is a cultural mindset; however, the whole point and purpose of the temple would be undermined were homosexuals "permitted" to marry in the temple.

    3. Ditto… as much as I love to be taught the truth according to 'anonymous' above, I've like to hear your (Josh's) answer to this question.

  8. Do our questions have to be about your sexual orienation? You're such a interesting guy and, even though your blog is very much about that, can we ask about other parts of your life? Like.. I don't know…do you feel like going for a run gives you an opportunity to spend some time alone with God and your thoughts or is it just something you do to stay healthy but secretly hate it?

  9. Any question that doesn't have to do with you being gay. Not that I don't find those questions/answers thought provoking and interesting, I just think it's silly of all of us to act like you are one dimensional. How about what is your biggest fear? Or what makes you super happy? Whatever.

    1. Ditto. I've gotten to know the gay-but-happily-and-heterosexually-married Josh pretty well by now. I want to know about the other facets of your life that you have hinted at, both before after your famous blog entry.

  10. I have a lot of friends and family who were born into the LDS church, then turned their back on it because they feel ostracized and judged because they have feeling for the same sex. I hurt for them sometimes, especially when I am in a church meeting and there is blatant anti-gay comments being made. How can I (you) reconcile those comments with my testimony of the church? How do I support those who are so bitter against my religion without "betraying" either one?

    1. Becki, I have the same feelings when I hear comments at church. To me, it's simple. The organization of "the church" led by Jesus Christ through His priesthood and the individuals who make up the church with their own biases, shortcomings, opinions and imperfections are two completely separate things. I speak up when appropriate to correct incorrect doctrine, or blatantly un-christ-like statements from people. This sometimes is more appropriate in private than in the middle of a Relief Society meeting, but I hope that I am slowly changing hearts and understanding amongst homophobic members.

  11. I really like Amy's comment. What draws me to this blog is that many times your answers avoid the "I'm gay" label and instead say "I'm human".

    Fully realizing I missed the boat for this week I'll go ahead and post a question with the intention of remembering to do it in time for next week. It's kind of a mulit-part question that I haven't figured out how to ask in a single question:

    1) How do you see intimacy working outside a sexual relationship?
    1a) Is a sexual relationship required for the deepest levels of intimacy?

    2) Do you agree that we have a problem with intimacy in our culture?

  12. What do you think of the fact that Anne Lamott is an outspoken advocate of gay rights and doesn't believe that Jesus was too concerned about whether people were living gay lives or not?

  13. Do you think that gay men married to women should be able to have friendships with other gay men in order to fulfill needs that were not met in their childhoods? Can a married straight gay man have an intimate, non-sexual relationship with another gay man with hugging and declarations of love and such or is that like an emotional affair?

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