I wrote this post last night. It’s a post that I decided to scrap, but now I’ve decided to post it so I can get the “post something!!!!” monkey off my back while I’m trying to focus.
Today I’m writing. All day. It’s a mess, and shiz just got real up in here in my office. Pray for me. Pray that my mind will focus and that the words will come right.
Writing is hard. It’s also amazing and exhilarating. But it’s hard.
When running groups, we sex-addiction therapists always have a check-in with our clients. The check-in involves a person sharing how he or she is doing spiritually, physically and emotionally. (Caveat: the spirituality piece is not tied to a specific religion, but more tied to however one feels centered and a part of the universe or their higher power.) A person then sets a commitment they plan to keep that week, and follows up on their commitment from the week before.
There is only one real rule for check-in, and that is that you’re not allowed to use the word “good” to describe any of your emotions. Because that word is used so often it basically has no meaning.
I’ve decided that since I’m trying to post every day, I’m going to try “checking in” here on Wednesdays. I think this will help me in my efforts to keep in touch with my emotions and keep it real. I invite all of you to do a check-in in the comments section as well. No idea if this will stick, but it seems like a good idea right now, so I’m going with it. Who knows, maybe we’ll all love doing this? Or maybe nobody will respond, and I’ll pretend like this post never happened…
Anyway, on to my check in:
Physically–All right. Physically I’m feeling rested. I got a good amount of sleep last night. I also feel like I want to eat a half gallon of ice cream and use food to numb my emotions. I also feel the need to exercise. I need a good run or a good workout and haven’t had one in a few too many days.
Emotionally–I feel like crap. I had an experience today that made me feel really rejected and discriminated against. There’s not much I can do about it but just accept the fact that people will think whatever they want to think, and sometimes it isn’t fair even though it impacts my life heavily. I’m sure we all have moments where we realize this. It’s good. Helps us know our limitations and the limitations of others. I wish I could be more detailed, but I can’t. Bottom line is, being “out” has both positive and negative consequences. And today I got a big revolting mouthful of the negative.
Spiritually–I feel hopeful, yet a little disconnected. I am really, really looking forward to General Conference this weekend. I’ve been going on nice walks around my office building (there’s this serene little neighborhood behind it) and reading scriptures/talks/communing but haven’t had the chance to in the last couple of days. I hope to tomorrow.
Commitment: I am going to work on my memoir for a total of 15 hours in the next week. At least 8 of those hours will be tomorrow.
All right. There’s my check in. If you want to check in and let us all know how things are going, feel free. I’d love to hear how you’re doing. Plus, hopefully it will help center you and increase your mental health.
UPDATE: I’m already loving your guys’ check-ins so much. Thanks for making me feel not-alone. It’s weird, but reading how you guys are doing is really, really nice. Thanks for being vulnerable. I mean it. Means a lot.