So… yeah. Here’s a post about bruises and cuts.

This is a picture of Viva after she hit her face on the piano while pretending she was a kitty. (Notice the dark bruise on her cheek.)

And this is a picture of Tessa after she face planted while running at the park.

This is the conversation Lolly had with them. At Walmart. In line. Surrounded by people. One of whom was an old, judgmental lady with bifocals and a cardigan who we’re pretty sure was totally scandalized.

Viva: Mommy, can I have gum?

Lolly: No, Viva.

Viva: But Mommy, I want gum. Pleeeease!

Lolly: Viva. We we have gum at home. We’re not buying gum.

Viva: Mommy PLEASE!!

Lolly: Viva, no. You may not… wait, sweetie. What’s that on your face? You have a big bruise! What happened?

Viva:  I really want gum!

Lolly: But Viva, what happened to your face?

Viva: …I got this when you were mad at me.

Lolly (feels urge to get angry)(decides to remain calm given the implications): Um, sweetie… that’s not true. *laughs fakely* You know that’s not true.

Viva: Yes it is.

Lolly: No, Viva. It’s not.

Viva: Mommy, can I wear these new sun glasses you bought me…

Seriously. Go up and look at those pictures again, and tell me hearing that conversation in line at Wal Mart wouldn’t make you consider calling CPS.

Then later on that day, Anna was playing and we heard a loud thud. We came into the room she was in and she was like “I just hit my face on the door!”

Not. even. making. this. up. (Did those periods help that sentence feel more dramatic? Sure hope so.)

Bottom line: sometimes kids hit their faces on stuff. And it doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. Unless you are a bad parent who abuses your children. Then it means you are a criminal. And you need to stop that. Or I will turn you in because I’m a mandated reporter.

Glad I could clear this up.

In other news, I had another whole post written today in response to the FFAQ question, but then Lolly read it and was like “this is too important and it’s not good enough” and I decided she was right. So, I scrapped it and started over. But rest assured, it is in the wings. Thanks for your patience.

Also, the conference I went to last weekend? Probably the single most influential professional conference I’ve ever been to. I’m definitely in the right field, y’all.


  1. My 3yr old once picked her nose till it bled, and then it bled EVERY time she cried for a week or two. Cut to us @ Costco and she is climbing a pallet of boxes, so I pull her off and chastise her, to which she starts crying.
    Me: stop crying, you have no reason to cry.
    (she sobs louder).
    Me: you better stop crying or your going you get a bloody nose again…….
    Then I notice the sudden audience all staring, judging, and ready to report.
    Yes you learn as a parents, at some point just be ready to feel judged. Its always easy to raise other peoples kids.
    Love this blog and the kids are all right ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. My kiddo had her swimmer ear plugs in her ears, so when I was in a store I raised my voice quite loudly at her so she could hear me. I had someone follow me to the parking lot and accuse me of being abusive!!! Yeah, right lady. Anyways, it's funny now, but at the time I was quite fried at her!

  3. My brother and I both have birthmarks that look like bruises on our backs. My mom apparently had fun explaining we were BORN WITH THEM to paediatricians.

  4. So this post was a little more entertaining to me because the first time I read "gum", I read it as "gun" so that was a little surprising. Kiddos are the best!

  5. When we were little my dad used to play fight with us all the time. He never actually hit us, but would pretend to punch us and we would punch him back, like we were real boxers.
    Well cut to my brother's 5 year old check up and the doctor asks him if he knows what gives him stomach aches and he goes "well my dad punches me in the stomach a lot"
    There were psychiatrists and social workers called in, and my mom desperately trying to explain that, no his father doesn't REALLY punch him in the stomach. They are just playing.
    My brother is 28 and it is still one my mom's favorite stories to tell :-).

  6. Arnica. Buy tons of Arnica. Bruises dissappear fast.

    Once I had to take one of my sons to the osteopath because he got a concussion. Fell of an overly large bike that he was riding with no set or helmet. As I was saying 'get off that bike'. So he was suffering memory loss and I take him to the osteopath (because concussions happen a lot in my family).

    He is lying on the exam table, and the Dr. asks him what happened and he looks up and says "My parents told me I fell off a bike" "You don't remember?" "No…that's what they told me….they also said it doesn't matter as long as they don't leave a visible bruise".

    Dr. Osteopath is looking at me, and really trying to figure out if this is a reportable offense or a joke. Son is no help at all as he is totally straight-faced. CPS was not called, whew!

  7. YES to Arnica. My first experience with it was a pretty severe head bonk in my oldest (who has a history of brain hemorrhage and neurological issues, which explains some of why I completely overreacted in this scenario). There was screaming (from her. Mostly.) and a HUGE black and blue bump on her head, and I pretty much totally short-circuited out of panic. And my friends, bless them, were all, "Where's the arnica? Who has the arnica? We need some arnica!" In the moment I was so irritated, going, "Are you KIDDING ME with the arnica??!!" Then someone found some, applied it, and the screaming stopped. By that night, the bruising was already going down, and the next morning I was stunned by how much it had healed. Now I keep Arnica in the bathroom, in the car, in my purse…

    That said, I have an accident-prone 5 year old boy. I sooooo feel Lolly's pain.

  8. My sisters has 4 boys who are nearly always sporting some kind of cut or scrape on their face. I never imagined that girls would be so…accident prone. I hear you man!

  9. If it makes you feel any better in a matter of 3 days my 2 1/2 year old manage to fall onto a LARGE lego splitting his forhead open, then he walked over to the humidifier and put his hand over it scalding his hand not to mention he was playing in the yard with the neighbors dogs and they knocked him onto a flower bed with large rocks and bricks scrapping his hands, face and bruising both legs from the knees down. And finally on the third day my husband was watching him and they were running through the house chasing each other he ran into the kitchen slipped on his socks and got a toddlers fracture of the left leg! imagine how i felt taking him into primary childrens with all the previous injuries and now a broken leg. I was extremely paranoid the entire visit but still have not heard from DCFS. (crossing fingers that i dont) We love our child we just dont tie him to a chair so he doesn't ever get her he is a boy with no fear and is extremely defiant so he gets hurt. Oddly enough when we took him in for the stitches on his forhead from the lego the Dr. said he had seen this same injury before which i though was pretty amazing i never thought a big lego could split someones head open to the skull it was news to me.

  10. one last story sorry your post just brought so many stories back. I had to take my son to the store just a couple weeks ago we only needed two things which of course are in the BACK of the store so we just ran in i didn't bother with a cart so we are walking through the store my son who is now almost 3 will be in January sees the bakery and the fresh cookies and starts screaming i tell him he can not have cookies we are going home to make dinner he throws himself on the ground and starts flailing around like a fish out of water I calmy tell him "you are going to crack your head open on the floor if you keep throwing yourself down like that, what will we do if your brains fall out?" He stands up looks at me and pulls his pocket out and states that we will put them in his pocket. That's about when i notice an old women watching me with a smug look on her face. maybe i'm inflicting psycological damage by telling him his brains will fall out but it never fails to get his attention and when she kept staring i told her to go ahead and take him if she thought she could do it any better. (sometimes as a working mother your filter gets broken you know the one that tells you not to say things that you shouldn't) The women turned and went the other way. ha-ha

  11. haha! That is hilarious! I have 3 boys who are CONSTANTLY covered with bruises, on their faces, legs, etc. My middle son face planted into my (not-being-used-at-the-time) elliptical machine 2 days before his 1st birthday so half his face is black and blue for all his 1st b-day photos. It looks real nice, let me tell ya.

  12. I have a son and seems like he has two speeds — stop and fast. There is no slowing down in the process which leads to a lot, and I mean a lot, of bruises and at lease two sets of stitches!

  13. From the time they start walking 'til around 5 or 6, kids seem to be nothing but bruises. If someone had called CPS on us every time one of the kids had a bruise/injury, they'd have been perpetually busy. I don't know how many ER visits we made. Doesn't matter if they're girls or boys, they just seem to be a magnet for bruises. Maybe it's because their large muscle control isn't fully developed yet.

  14. My sister had someone (she's not sure who) in her ward who was calling CPS on other families in their ward. That sure ruffled a lot of feathers (esp when they're not abusing their children), but I'm glad you don't beat your kids ๐Ÿ™‚

  15. My kids seemed to have bruises all over their legs when they were toddlers from always falling. I would soak their legs in epsom salt water, it heals bruises quick. You could always take a washcloth and dip it in warm epsom salt water and then have her put it on her face.

  16. Be careful. My 24 yr old daughter is still mad that I took so many pictures of her with goose egg bumps, bruises and cuts. Apparently that was the only time I thought to get out the camera and there are very few "cute" pictures. I'm really sorry about that.

  17. A couple of years ago, my son pushed my daughter onto a photo frame and she ended up with a nice gash in her elbow. A trip to the ER and a few stitches later we came home. THE NEXT DAY, my son fell outside which led to another trip to the ER for stitches near his eye. I really thought they were going to start asking some serious questions!!! (to make it even more fun, I had a baby with RSV too, oh the joys of parenting!!)

  18. Story 1: I think my grandparents farm actually ended up on some sort of CPS equivalent watch list (this was in the UK) because all of us cousins kept getting spectacularly injured while playing there. Poor judgment and a lack of coordination runs in the family!

    Story 2: Once my mom slipped on some melted snow in the hallway and and hit the door with her face. The classic tale. Later that day, she was visiting some friends while my dad was at the dentist, and they were jokingly asking if my dad was responsible, to which she responded that if he tried anything like that, he'd be missing some teeth. Cue my dad returning from the dentist, minus a tooth. So, yeah…. there's that, and you are not alone!

    1. Oh, gee, not too long ago, I had the cupboard door open and was getting a plate out when the glass lid of a baking dish fell and smacked me on the upper lip. It left a pretty good gash that probably should have had stitches (I now have a dent and a scar there), but I didn't want my husband to take me to the ER to have it stitched because it honestly looked like someone had hit me there. Didn't want them to think some sort of domestic violence had occurred between us.

  19. Daughter #2 got a severe electrical burn on her mouth as an infant so when she was about 5 we took her to San Diego for plastic surgery. Daughter #1 stayed behind at home and while at swim practice an idiot jumped off the side of the pool onto her, breaking her nose. She was brought to the Naval Hospital in San Diego. Surgery on #2 daughter on Tuesday, surgery on #1 daughter on Thursday and Friday we were driving home with my wife and I admonishing each other to drive slowly and safely since if we got stopped with two girls with their faces covered in bandages we were going straight to jail!

  20. OH kids. … I volunteer at a Children's Crisis Center, which means that a lot of the kids are coming from dangerous homes anyway, but this last Monday I was outside running around on the playground with one of the kids when he full out FACE-PLANTED into the metal playground step. The bruise and swelling was instant. His whole eye area turned purple! I'm sure you can imagine my sheepishness as I carried him, screaming, inside to the house-parent and tried to explain that I didn't punch him in the eye or anything. SO thrilled there weren't any other volunteers outside at the time to witness it. …Not. :S Awkward!! Kids are SOOOO accident prone!

  21. You're right. I would seriously think about calling cps if I had heard that… that's just so terrible but relax, sometimes kids like to push your buttons and they do it so well! There's been several times when my boys have played the woe is me card. "Mommy, can I have a toy??" "No, sweetie, you just got a toy yesterday and besides you have plenty. Some kids don't have any toys at all. You should be grateful for what you have." "We don't have toys mommy. You've never brought us toys.." People gawk and stare like they really want to just go ahead and buy the poor little impoverished kids a toy but believe me, they really do have plenty of toys!! We go all out for birthdays, christmas,easter, halloween.. So they have plenty of toys! You're the parent! You know what happened! That's all that matters and as long as your conscious is totally clear, then Heavenly Father take care of the rest!

  22. Oh and boys are a little more rougher than little girls.. Imagine how people reacted when I told them my four year old son broke my seven year old's arm. He had a score to settle with him. What do you expect. Not that I condone that. But my four year old saw the opportunity to get back at him for something he had done to him and he waited until my seven year old was lying on the floor playing with his jacks.. My four year old walks up and slams his knee down on his wrist, breaking his arm. It was an absolute horror!!!

  23. I used to be a manny for a family of three kids and one day the youngest was climbing a ladder at the park and fell flat on his face, bleeding and crying all over the place. First came the judgmental advice of all of the other mothers at the park who saw a young man who CLEARLY had no idea how to raise his three illegitimate children with whom he had visitation today. Then when his mom got home and saw the gore and asked what happened, the little boy said, ยจGMP got mad,ยจ referring to the indignation I felt at the mothers at the park. THAT was a fun conversation to have with an employer.

  24. Poor Lolly. Years ago, when my sister-in-law Sommer was about eight and struggling physically (but definitely not mentally) because she had Down's Syndrome, my mother-in-law was taking her to a doctor's appointment in a high rise building. Sommer was in her wheel chair and looked very frail, but her mind was witty and downright naughty at times. As my MIL rolled tiny, "helpless" little Sommer into an elevator there was a nice lady already inside who smiled and pushed the button for them. It was very quiet in the elevator and as they were slowly ascending Sommer said, "Mommy, please don't hit me anymore." My MIL started to do that nervous laugh as she tried to explain that Sommer was a jokester, but the nice lady didn't look so nice all of a sudden and started looking her up and down. Needless to say my MIL could feel the judgmental glare boring into her back as she got off the elevator, but Sommer, she was just doing her signature "hee, hee, hee-ing" under her breath.

  25. When my twins were about 2 1/2 one of them fell out of the cart at Target and split his head open. This happened after warning for several minutes to sit down it the cart. I had him on the sink ledge in the restroom, cleaning him up and he was crying. I said to him, "see this is what happens when you don't listen to Mommy; you get hurt." Just then an elderly lady came out of the stall behind me and gave me the nastiest look in the mirror. She stood there staring as I continued to clean him up, totally debating whether or not she should snatch him from my arms I am sure.

    Fast forward a few years. We were stationed in England, I was at the ER–again–with this same little boy. He had a broken collar bone. The doctor looked at his chart and said, "Uh, Mom, this record says he was here just three weeks ago with a concussion. Would you like to talk about what's going on at home?" I half-laughed and was tried to convince him of my clumsiness, which he wasn't buying. Then another doctor walked into the ER and smiled. She put her hand on the other doctor's shoulder and said, "It's ok. I was this families pediatrician in Wyoming. And I can assure you, this is a good mom and a very active, clumsy little boy who doesn't have a danger sensor." What a God-send. Seriously, that ER doc was about to call social services and the police (which my husband was one of). I swear God sent that Air Force doctor to England just so she could save our family from a social service's nightmare.

  26. Ha, ha. All 3 of my kids ran into things today! 1. Cupboard run in. 2. Door frame. 3. Corner off a wall. They each found their own creative way to get injured! Glad I'm not alone!

  27. I should preface this by saying that I teach a Child Abuse Prevention class for child care folks at the local community college. I taught a one hour seminar and had to bring the kiddos to work. No big, they will sit quietly in the back of the room coloring and playing video games. I was talking about auditory cuing (using musical notes or songs) to help toddlers with transitional activities. I asked the kids if they remembered singing the "Clean up" song when they were little (Memo to self: NEVER ask a question if you don't know the answer!) Without looking up from the DS my middle son (about 10 at the time) replied, "Oh, we just sang that so you wouldn't beat us." Class was over!

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