Hell Week + Important Dates UPDATED

Hi guys.

There a few words that I might use to describe why I haven’t been around for a week. Normally I’d give a lengthier explanation, but I have the feeling these words might just be explanation enough:

trip to urgent care
broken down transmission
hate calls from perfect strangers to my phone
internet down at the house
lost keys

None of that is even close to a joke. So, yeah. Been an eventful week. And not in a good way.

The good news is…
that my spirits are pretty high, considering. And Lolly still loves me even though I’m keeping her awake by typing right now. (That’s a direct quote from her. Which means I need to make this short post shorter!)

I have a couple of posts almost done (that describe some of this stuff in more detail) so I’ll get those up soon.

In the meantime, I need to tell you about a few important things:

1. Our Ricki Lake episode is slated to air this Friday November 2nd. This link will help you determine when it airs where you are. Hopefully it comes off as well as we felt it went, but if not, c’est la vie I suppose. Hopefully it’s not a disaster in any way.

2. Here is the first part of the interview that Kendall Wilcox did with us. For like a third of it it looks like I’m staring off into space all doe eyed and filled with wonder. Which is awesome.

3. This Saturday (Nov. 3rd), I’ll be giving a keynote address here. Feel free and come and support, but also be aware that there has been some controversy regarding my participation in this event (which is really strange considering what its stated purpose is). If you can’t make it to that, I’ll also be on a panel for the Association of Mormon Counselors and Psychotherapists on Nov. 17th, which you can get more details about here. (The venue in Utah County seats 1,000–so please come so it doesn’t feel all empty. Pretty please?).

All right. Let’s see if I can get back into daily posts. (I really tend to stress less about the blog that way, which is counterintuitive, but true.) Wish me luck!

UPDATE: So, back in the olden days, I used to reply to every comment. I hadn’t done that for a while, and decided I wanted to today. I miss it. I’ll try to do it again from time to time. Thank you all for your awesome comments!


    1. You officially are not a stalker and I want to meet you, too. (Not even kidding. You've shared some comments over the months that have meant a lot. One in particular that I'll tell you about.)

  1. You have been hit hard my friend. Do you want the good news? It means something big and incredible is going to happen. I have found that any time in my life where there is a lot of adversity there are some huge blessings that will come soon. Often it is things that will bless those around you too. It shows that satan doesn't want you to move forward. But you are.

    I really admire you and Lolly. I don't understand the hate. I don't. I am sorry you have to deal with that on top of everything else. One thing I love about your blog is you aren't preaching and telling everyone that there is only one way to be LDS and same gender attracted. You aren't telling everyone to go out and get married. You are sharing what a blessing your sweet family is to you.

    I hate contention and I hate offending anyone. But I have come to realize that no matter how we live our life if we are doing what is right at times others will get offended.

    I hope you are healthy or healing. I hope you guys have a great Halloween! Post pictures. I believe you have so many people praying for you all. I know I am. You have given me hope that one day maybe I can get to where you are at. I don't struggle with same gender attraction but I do struggle with low self esteem, depression and anxiety. I also struggle a lot with feeling alone. I don't have family. Not family of origin or family of procreation. Even though I want that more than anything in the entire world. You give me hope that it may get better.

    I have been open about my struggles. I have been suicidal in these past 2 weeks. The only thing that keeps me from following through is I don't want to hurt those I love who have already lost a loved one to suicide. I have seen their pain and I don't want to add to it. But you give me hope that one day my depression, anxiety and ADD will get better. As long as I don't give up. Thank you so much for that. I wish you and Lolly were my next door neighbors! You are both so amazing and you have the cutest girls in the world!

    1. Anonymous, I was very touched ready your post to Josh and Lolly. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I very much agree with you; Josh and Lolly are my heroes. But from what I can see in your post, you are too. I struggle with anxiety and depression myself, so while I don't know what you experience personally, I know something of the pain and heartache that accompany these. And I know that when I am especially struggling I don't see myself clearly for who I am. Satan does a REALLY good job of clouding my view of myself and making me feel like dirt. So I wanted to tell you that reading your post it is apparent that you have a remarkable gift for showing love and a very caring, tender spirit. I'm betting you have some awesome blessings coming your way after the trials, too. Hang in there, my friend. I hope and pray you find great peace and joy in your life soon.

  2. I'm a student at BYU, and yesterday I saw a flyer about the event you're speaking at on the 17th. I got so excited! I was like "Hey! I know him! He's my friend!" It made me smile that even though I haven't met you, I still count you as a friend. I'm excited to hear you speak!

  3. I find it ironic that the backlash towards you and Steven for not being "gay enough" by people who were ostracized for not being "Mormon enough" or "straight enough" or something. One of those interesting psychological phenomena where the bullied become the biggest bullies.

    I think it's great you are going. Thumb your nose at the controversy and nay-sayers. They that be with you are MORE than they that be against you. :o)


  4. My heart goes out to you, Lolly and your girls as you have clearly been "dumped on" by the week from hell. I do agree that when everything seems overwhelmingly against you and you're about to fall apart… that is truly when to watch for the wonderful and amazing things that are about to come your way. It's always been that way in my life for sure. Hang it there.

    The interview is so compelling. I am very excited to see and hear more. Your honesty and integrity shines through and your willingness to share your history, your feelings, and your life is such a blessing. Keep it up.

    I'm looking forward to the Ricki Lake show and know that it will be a vehicle of help for those who feel your story is beneficial to their lives. I got chills when I read that you had originally turned the show down, and then felt strongly compelled to go ahead with it. The spirit testified to me that you were clearly inspired to do it as I totally trust your relationship with God and know that you are being lead by Him down this often unfriendly and rocky path. I believe that when you are being directed by the Lord, He will guide your way, calm the storm, comfort your soul, and even carry you through.

    Love to you both, -hopefully we can get to one of your Utah appearances as we would love love love to see you both again. 🙂

  5. Oh dear oh dear. Hope all is well! Lice alone, well, lice. Happened to us almost 1 year ago (discovered while at the ER with my son having an allergic reaction to a nut- when they discharged us they gave us a prescription for an epipen and lice removal instructions. Gah.) I still check their heads obsessively!! Hope things start turning around for you.


  6. I'm always worried about getting lice because I'm worried nobody would love me enough to try and pick it out of my wild curly hair. I'll be thinking about you and praying for you all.

    1. If you got lice and came to Washington, I would pick it out of your wild curly hair. Lice don't scare me, and I'm sure it wouldn't be awkward at all, though we haven't met. Right? (I'm serious, though, I would do it. Maybe not thoroughly, but I'd give it an honest go.)

    2. I was googling myself and saw this comment I posted a few years ago. I came and saw your reply. Wouldn't be awkward at all because we now follow each other on Twitter and that makes a friendship legit ;).

  7. No worries, Josh, I have it on good authority, that you are doing fine, just fine. In fact I think the word "great", might have been used. *shakes head*

  8. 1) I would like to punch people in the face when they are mean to you. Perhaps not exactly conducive to opening a productive dialog, but there it is.
    2) I'm super conflicted about the 17th. It's really close to our house, and I'd love to hear your speak and maybe even get to talk to you for a little while (it's been for eve, yo.), but then I am also having a baby four days later. Argh. We will see!

  9. Sometimes I hate it when I'm right! 🙂 I knew you & the family must be having a rough week – so uncharacteristic of you not to post something for so long. The DVR is set to record Ricki Lake on Friday!

  10. Ugh, what a week! Man, I wish I could call you guys and counteract those hate calls with some "love and admiration" calls. Josh and Lolly, you and your message of love are inspiring. I hope this week is much better!

  11. Back in the olden days, I used to reply to every comment. I hadn't done that for a while, and decided I wanted to today. I miss it! I'll try to do it again from time to time. Thank you all for your awesome comments!

  12. I have been having that kind of month so it seems. My grandmother turned 80 and I was in charge of the party(which was a huge success btw.) My brother came into town from Saskatchewan and was here for a week(I live in Michigan.) My 41 y/o cousin had a heart attack, my husband went to er and was admitted a day later, my son (3) had another ear infection (6th in a year) My aunt ended up in the hospital and almost died my best friend's grandma went into the hospital last night for chest pain and high blood pressure and my son is scheduled for surgery for tubes in his ears and adenoid removal after a trip to the ear nose and throat Doctor. Then my body decides to make me feel like it sucks being a girl. Really can't this just all go away. The one highlight though was Sunday peace and solace were at church so much so that the spirit was amazing. At the end of the day that is all that matters right? 🙂

  13. Josh,
    I can't really imagine what it's like to be a gay mormon and to deal with the kind of negative reactions you would get from many different communities – but I do know how it feels to be hated, mocked, and betrayed for things about myself that I did not choose but nevertheless value and appreciate as an important part of who I am. The idea of anyone so violating your home and family as to call your phone and spew bitterness is just flat out infuriating (I have a deep seeded protective streak when it comes to people I love). So, since I don't have your number, this is me sending you and your beautiful family a "love call". If I had actually called it would go something like this: "Hello, is this the home of Josh Weed and company?" and then, when I'd been answered in the affirmative, I would have sung some really cheesy 80s song, probably You're the Inspiration by Chicago cause it's awesome. Clearly, it's a good thing this is happening in print and your poor family doesn't have to listen to me sing ;). Also, lice = the worst.

  14. I'm so excited that you're coming to provo and I hope I get to meet you 🙂 I love reading your blog. I look forward to it everyday (I know I have a sad life but your blog is awesome!).

  15. Ok, I have wanted to post for quite some time, & finally got the nerve. I've been reading your posts since your story on KSL here in Utah. I think the 2 of you are amazing. I'm 38, My wife & I have been married almost 17 years, we have a 12 yr. old boy. We are LDS, not as active as we should be, but…. I have struggled over the years w/ something, that you seem to have been able to put me more at ease about. I love my wife and son dearly and want only the best for them, but wonder at times if it was best for me. There is always that "What if?". Not saying I'm not happy, just conflicted at times. I think my wife has wondered at times thoughI have never said anything. At any rate, the 2 of you are fantastic. Remember, you decide your worth, not the world. You are your own economy. (For what that's worth) 🙂

  16. I just wanted to thank you so much for the line: "These people lashing outdo NOT define you by their words and actions…they define themselves." I just really needed to read that today. Thank you, thank you.

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