Okay, so last post was a philosophical discussion about being “gaymous.” (Did you see what I did there?)
The comments on that post are absolutely beautiful, and they helped Lolly and me immensely. I went to the temple yesterday morning, and several of the comments stayed with me and brought me a great deal of peace and clarity regarding why this whole thing is happening. Thanks so much for being so gracious. I want to frame many of those comments and read them every day. Thank you. Seriously.
So, here’s some more Nightline stuff.
Our couches are absolutely nasty. They are hand-me-downs that were hand-me-downs. If I were at home right now, I’d just snap a picture, but I’m not so I’m gonna have to describe this to you. Think floral print. Think floral print from the 90’s. Think bright pink floral print from the 90’s that is now so old that it’s fading and there are swaths of cushion exposed. Basically think of the gaudiest, most faded, bulky couches you could imagine. Now times that by 10 and add the stains and stickiness that come from three girls six and under. Then multiply that by “one of the main back cushions hangs off like a dead body” and add “when we get rid of these things we will have to burn them because the dump will probably consider them a bio-hazard.”
It’s rough, is what I’m saying.
Oh, I have a partial picture:
So. We decided that for Nightline, we would borrow nice couches. We swapped our floral behemoths for some nice leather couches owned by Konrad and Ashlee Crabtree, our friends down the street.
It was quite the process for Konrad and me because it’s a four-piece sectional. And also because I have no depth perception and thus have difficulty with things like “carrying couches through doors” and “not missing cement steps as I walk.”
We got it all set up perfectly, and it looked amazing.
Cut to Nightline walking into our house Wednesday morning.
Pretty much the first words uttered? “All, right, we’re gonna have to move those couches out of the way so we can do the interview…” *starts pushing the couches into the dining room*
So yeah, word to the wise: if you are ever interviewed for TV, you will be interviewed on kitchen chairs. No matter how nice your borrowed couches look.
About half-way through the interview, the kids came home from school/being watched by a friend. At that point, the producer (who is also the editor of the piece) spent an hour or so at the park trying to get us to look all spontaneous and real and stuff. I couldn’t quite get the “I’m totally pushing my daughter in a swing without a camera staring me down right now, I promise” look down. (“Camera? What camera? I always play this type of spontaneous tag with my girls around the slides…by which I mean to say we’ve never done this ever and it’s totally because there’s a camera rolling.”)
Tessa was grumpy. Viva was sick with a cough. Anna was weird because it was her last day of kindergarten. Pretty much I’ll be shocked if they captured any footage that looks real and authentic whatsoever.
Then we got home and had some snacks around the table.
The producer asked if the girls could sing a primary song. They wouldn’t. They couldn’t even remember the primary song they had sung on Father’s day last Sunday. It was ridiculous.
And that’s when Anna, who gets to listen to music on the school bus, started singing to the camera. And it was definitely not sweet, stereotypical Mormon songs.
First she started singing LMFAO’s Party Rock Anthem. “Party Rockers in the HOOOOOUSE toniiiiiiiiight…” It started off kinda cute, but definitely not a primary song. It was about this point that Lolly gave me a look that said something like “Did you have any idea she knew songs like this?”
She quickly moved on to Glad You Came by The Wanted. “Cast a spell on me spell on me, I really think you’d look well on me well on me…” And then, naturally, she moved on to Justin Bieber.
And then, in the middle of Baby, she started talking to the camera.
Let me set this up for you. The camera is being held at this point by the aforementioned producer/editor, who is also the guy who spotted our story in the first place. So, yeah, he just got done doing an interview with me, a homosexual man who is married to a woman. Part of that interview included me talking about how we will use our children’s cues to know when to tell them about our unique marital situation. This had literally just happened. And the cameras were still rolling. Also, the particular person wielding the camera? Is also gay.
Anna: James at school today said that he really loves Justin Bieber.
Producer: Oh really?
Anna: Yeah. He says that he loves his songs.
Anna: And then he said something silly. He said he wants to be Justin Bieber’s boyfriend.
Everyone on earth: *stops to listen to what might come out of this girl’s mouth next*
Anna: But that’s silly! Boys can’t have boyfriends! Boys aren’t even supposed to have boyfriends!
Seriously Anna? We have never ever talked about this ever. And you choose to bring THIS particular issue up while the Nightline cameras are rolling, doing a piece all about how your dad is gay???
Needless to say, we opted not to take that cue to let Anna know what being gay is, or the fact that her father is homosexual, as a spontaneous Nightline event. Though that would have answered the “when are you going to tell your kids?” question in the most original way ever.
All in all it was a very tiring, very interesting day.
In closing, we’ve gotta say thanks to various people who came in and saved us from having Nightline come and record what our house *actually* looks like on a day-to-day basis. That would have been unfortunate. For all of America.
Katie Tyler and Ashlee Crabtree, thanks for cleaning all day and helping with Lolly’s wardrobe. Spencer Transier and Rachel Wadsworth–your amazingness knows no bounds, thanks for all your help, both days. Vienna Nelson, thanks for watching the girls while we went to dinner with the producer. Leslie and Vienna Nelson, thank you for watching Viva at the park and for the beautiful flowers and card. Jenni Warner, thanks for watching the girls in the morning. Ashlee, thanks for the popsicles which may or may not be featured in the segment depending on how natural I looked taking licks of my children’s’ popsicles. Konrad, thanks for helping us move the couches. Twice. Katie, thanks for cutting my hair. And being my wardrobe specialist. JT, thanks for putting the hangy thing on our picture frame, and for letting me borrow your shirt which I just realized I didn’t give back to you. Probably I’ll just keep it. So, thanks for the free shirt.
I feel like I just did an acknowledgment page in a book. Or gave an Oscar speech.
Oh, yeah. More progress has been made on the forum-front, but it won’t be up for another few days or so. I want to set it up correctly, so it’s taken me longer than I thought. Thanks for the patience. I love the discussion that is happening, and the counterpointed views that are expressed. I think the nuance of the discussion is very important, and that it’s important that all voices be heard. I’m excited to create a home for that discussion to continue.
(I just woke up here on the couch. It’s now Sunday morning, and I fell asleep before pressing “publish” but now I’m doing the magical thing where I set the date backwards so this is published on Saturday, the day this was written. It’s kind of like time-travel. Except without a DeLorean.)