Lolly is out walking with some friends, and I’m sitting here, reflective.

If this were one month ago, I would be trying as hard as I could to think up some funny or awkward moment of my life to transform into a humor post. 
Today, I’m allowed to actually speak.
I think my blog has finally accidentally become a place where I can be my true, authentic self. And there’s little on this planet I cherish more than that idea. 
In fact, that’s one of the things that got this whole Club Unicorn thing started. I was sitting upstairs in my bed trying to write a humor post. I stopped and started and stopped and started and was unable to write anything, and I had no idea why. Lolly came in and said “What’s wrong?” I didn’t know. I told her that I thought I had writer’s block. 
And she, knowing me better than I even know myself at times, thought for a moment and then said “I know what’s wrong. You are feeling inauthentic. You are tired of hiding parts of yourself. You are not the type of person who keeps secrets.”
Her words resonated deeply. 
After letting that truth sink in I said, “You’re right. I never would have come up with that on my own, but you are exactly right.” 
It was true. I wanted to be able to be myself. All of myself. I wanted to tell a gay joke about myself like I can with my family. I wanted to be real with my experience–with all of my experience. Being gay is not an all-consuming piece of who I am. But it is a part of who I am. It’s a part of my life. It is a part of my experience on this earth. 
This month, it’s been a pretty big deal–more so than it ever has been. But I have no doubt that in months to come it will take its normal place in my life: a feature; a side-note; a truth that comes up at times; a thing that I experience. Nothing all-defining. Nothing overwhelming. But there, existent, a part of my world. 
Being able to write freely about this thing–not feeling like I have to protect a huge secret–is absolutely freeing. It’s exhilarating. It’s liberating. It’s refreshing. 
I love it. And I find myself feeling so grateful. 
I see now that that’s why, when Lolly said what she said that afternoon, something clicked. That was the first time we contemplated in any kind of serious way the idea of not hiding this part of our lives anymore. We thought through all the people we know, made lists of who we’d need to tell, who we’d need to email. We made it a matter of prayer. That conversation was the genesis of a huge shift and an important spiritual journey for us. It was the genesis of what has become part of a conversation that is broader than we ever imagined, and that we still don’t even understand.
And how fitting that–even though the thought of USING the blog itself didn’t cross our minds as a way to be more open until months later–it was writing here, writing in The Weed, that brought the issue to our minds in the very first place.
God is a clever one at times, isn’t he?
Also, I have a question for you guys. There are two directions I can go with moving the Club Unicorn discussion. I love that the discussion is happening, and I really am aching to find it a better home. Both of the things I’m proposing are ready to go, but I’m just not sure which to choose. So, I want to ask you all:
Club Unicorn Forum (with login requirement), or Club Unicorn Facebook Page?
Oh, wait! Before you go, I want to answer one the FAQ’s about the Club Unicorn post. Here goes:
I have known a lot of homosexual males who were sexually abused by men as children? Were you ever sexually abused? If so, do you think that’s why you are gay?

This is a valid question, and I’m glad it was asked various times so that I can clear up this potential mis-conception. 
I was never sexually abused, or abused in any other fashion, as a child. So if you have never met a gay man who wasn’t sexually abused, you have now. Nice to meet you. *gives a hearty handshake*
I know, as a clinician and through other venues, of various male victims of childhood sexual abuse who are gay, but I also know many such victims who are not gay. There is correlation here perhaps (though I’ve never seen it in an actual study), but not causation.
All right, back to what I was asking before:
Club Unicorn Forum (with login requirement), or Club Unicorn Facebook Page?
Go! For reals this time!