I had one of those “duh!” moments yesterday about the whole forum vs. Facebook thing.
I was really into it–reading thoroughly everybody’s input about why a forum would be better than Facebook or vice versa (which by the way, thanks so much for that, I wouldn’t have been able to think it through clearly without your guys’ input), and I was feeling very stressed and like “Oh, guys, we’re in trouble here. Don’t people know that I have ADD so bad that it’s kind of a miracle that I even have a blog?”
And then in a moment of insight where angels sang the Hallelujah chorus in 27 part harmony and clouds parted and all of trees and nature sighed a collective sigh of relief, I realized the solution:
Keep everything the same.
Why am I fighting so hard to move this conversation? This conversation originated right here, and the conversation is spontaneously happening right here. Why am I so dead-set on moving it? Sure, now my posts have spin-off conversations so long that, if printed out, they might span the distance between North America and Europe. But that’s a good sign. That’s a sign that things are working and that people feel comfortable talking. That we feel safe in this space, and we feel like we can say hard things and still like each other. And I’m really, really glad about that.
Plus, the conversation remaining here resolves most of the (very legitimate) concerns people voiced about the other alternatives. Anonymity? Check. Not letting the conversation run with itself so that it takes on a life of its own and becomes something different than what it started out to be? Check. Ensuring that I don’t get too distracted to remain a part of the conversation? Check. Keeping moderation needs to a minimum? Check.
And not only that, but it struck me as really funny when I took a step back. Here I was, reading a huge, awesome conversation with tons of brilliant responses to a question I asked here on the blog. It was like “Wow, reading this very vibrant, self-managing conversation about where to have vibrant, self-managing conversations has been really enlightening. I wonder where the right place to have vibrant self-sustaining conversations will end up being??? *thinky face*
Yeah. Sometimes I’m a little slow.
So, at least for now, here we will remain. Right here on our humble little Weed blog. Talking about issues and getting to know each other and talking about deep, real things in a respectful, honest way that will increase understanding and promote civility and help us see things in new ways.
(Have I mentioned? Thank you all for being so incredible and open and real and for wanting to talk about this stuff.)
I still have ideas for both a forum and a Facebook group, but they are concepts that are different than the current conversation, and thus can wait a while to be unveiled.
Also: Disqus? Discuss.
In other news, Tessa, my youngest does the cutest thing on earth now. Okay, probably it’s just cute to her parents, but you’re about to see it anyway. When you ask her, “How are you doing, Tessa?” instead of saying “good” she says, “geeee” (pronounced like the beginning of the word “geese”.) And she does it every time without fail.
In this video she’s “jumping off the ottoman” by which I mean to say she’s using it as a trampoline because she can’t figure out how to jump off the ottoman.
Yeah, this might be kinda interesting to Tessa’s grandparents and approximately nobody else. Oh well, I’m posting it anyway.
One day our little Tessa will learn how to jump off of ottomans really “geeee”.
Aaand, last but not least, a question:
When you are having sex with your wife, are you fantasizing about men?
This is a totally understandable question, and I can definitely see why people are asking it. Obviously this is really personal, but I’ll try to answer. I realize that some people will choose not to believe what I’m saying. That’s their prerogative. All I can do is tell my truth.
I think this question comes up a lot because people assume that the only way that I could function sexually as a homosexual man having sex with a woman would be to have my mind be somewhere else. This is false. Sex is about a lot more than that.
For me, fantasizing about anybody during intimacy doesn’t feel right. I do not fantasize about anything when I am intimate with Lolly. I am there, with her, in that moment. When she and I are together, it’s important to me that she know that I am being intimate with her. The experience is ours. It is simultaneous and mutual and filled with love. Being present with her is important to me. Anything else feels disrespectful and doesn’t honor the love I have for her.
Now, the answer to how that works is probably also a valid question, but one that might deserve its own post some day.
All right, peace out. I’m about to take my wife out on a date. And when I say “about to” what I mean is that I’m literally in the parking lot at Panera Bread using their wifi with Lolly looking at me like “are we ever going to go inside and eat, or were you planning on just being on a date with the Internet tonight…?”
Happy Friday everyone!