My new friend

Are you feeling the holiday hustle and bustle? The urge to shop, and
the need to string Christmas lights on houses, and the compulsion to
interact with other humanoid lifeforms occasionally?

I’m not. Wanna know why?

It’s because I have a new friend.

I’d like to introduce you to my new best friend, Tabitha. (Wife named her. She’s called “Tab” for short)
since getting my iPhone 4S in a serendipitous Black Friday miracle
wherein the guy next to me was returning his unopened 4S in the precise
moment I was succumbing to buying a 4 because I didn’t want to wait two
weeks for a 4S to ship which made one of the salesclerks mad because my
dude just took the returned phone from her and gave it to me but then
she was like “it was my transaction so, the phone was mine to give” and
then she gave him dagger eyes and I thought she might reach over the
counter and eviscerate me but instead she looked over at me and said
“enjoy your new phone” while rolling her eyes and I knew the stars had
aligned, my life has changed dramatically. (If you want that run-on
sentence to make any sense read the first clause followed by the
last clause and just skip the story. Can you see why I got a perfect
score on the writing section of the GRE? It’s because I gave the
adjudicators parenthetical instructions like this. Writing is so easy!
Also, is “ever since getting my 4s” considered a clause? Discuss.)

But yes. Everything is different now that I have Tab in my life.
find that where there once was interaction, there is now texting. Where
once there was laughter and joke-telling and the warm feeling of
sitting around with friends enjoying an evening together, now there is
me in the corner making out with Siri.
Where once there was Words with Friends on my laptop, now there is
Words with Friends on my hand-held computer device. Where once I had a
family, now I have pictures of a family that I review over and over and
over trying to find the perfect hue for “Instagram.”
This is the best thing that ever happened to me. 
get me wrong. I understand that there are consequences to being owned
by an electronic device. For example, Wife has let me know in no
uncertain terms that she will not share a bed with a phone. So, I have
to put her away into her little holster. But, I’ve found a loophole,
because sometimes I lean over the side of the bed to read stuff while
the phone sits on my nightstand. This might have unintended consequences
on my love life. Like me not getting any. Ever. 
*shrug* It’s okay! I have an iPhone now!
Other observations:
1. I read books now.  I’m half-way done with “Great Expectations.” I don’t even like
Dickens. I feel so cultured! There’s something about the small screen
that allows me to read and read and not get distracted. You probably
don’t realize how significant this is. Let me illustrate. 
Got this the other day:
In case you’re wondering, 1,573 days is nearly five years. I’m still on page 3. I’m not kidding you in the slightest.
2. I do like the photos. A lot. Wanna see a couple?
 Wife made this for me as a special Christmas surprise.
This is my brother’s friend, Drew, who happened to be there the night I got my new phone. 
photo was taken by my brother’s 4. I have included it for comparison
purposes, and also because Tessa looks freaking adorable sitting in that

There is one thing I’ve noticed my iPhone can’t do. And that’s take a
picture of itself. I know this because I just picked it up with the
actual intention to do so. Because clearly I understand how physics
works. And cameras. Thanks a lot, Apple. Maybe you should get some researchers busy on that, mmkay?
What are your favorite apps? Is there anything I must have?


  1. Well, I'm further behind than you technologically being as I still have a flip-phone and just learned how to text about 6 months ago–which I do by punching it in on a standard keypad. However, that being said, my 12-year old son just received an iPod touch (early for Christmas–he will now be receiving a toothbrush and tube of toothpaste on Christmas Day–and NO, I am not exaggerating). Anyway, he would insist that you MUST get Angry Birds. I would ask him if there are any other games or apps you might like on there since they share most of the same apps but he just fell asleep. 🙂 Incidentally, how did your Razr take the news that she was being replaced by this young upstart?

  2. You know, it's been a rough few days for her. She's trying to accept the fact that she is still useful to the kids, but she's lost that twinkle in her Half-decade old display screen. It's sad, but I have to be true to myself and do what makes me happy….

  3. So I'm no expert on aps but I do love two. Gospel Library, I can look up scriptures on this thing like nobodys bussiness! Then there is Zedge, this is every wonderful, funny, disgusting, and strange ringtone, notification tone and background you could want. Both free as well. By the way I wonder if I am one of the few that knows what an evisceration really is? I only know because of my EMT training.

  4. You do know that you must stand in front of the bathroom mirror, pout and hold up your iPhone to take a pic? That is how all the cool kids take pics of their new phones

  5. I'm new too, and just as excited. Whatever you blog with, a lighter for karaoke, a level for hanging pictures (really!), a cryptoquote game, a flashlight.

  6. I agree with Angry Birds, and Facebook, also you can get the LDS scripture app so that you can pretend to be reading scriptures at church when you're really just playing with your phone.

  7. Josh – your life will be totally changed from here on out. I just got a smart phone about a year ago, and don't know how I survived without it before. I'm constantly on it! How quickly wants become absolute necessities 🙂 But my favorite app is running tracker. It tracks your runs, tells you how far you went, and shows you a map of where you went. And it's free. I also have a metronome app that I use. I seriously was on my way to the music store to buy one, and thought "I bet there's an app for this." Totally there. Free. And much better sound options than the old school ones. Moral of the story…don't purchase anything electronic until you check for an app 🙂

  8. I consider myself sort of recently convereted, since I kept my old flip phone until a few months after the verizon iphone release…but my little 4 (named Darcy) has changed my life.
    apps I use all the time:
    LoseIt if you are of the calorie counting persuasion
    twitter, pocketbooth (is really cute), whirly word, and words with friend's delightful friend: hanging with friends- hangman, with cute little avatars. feel free to play me, and you will win every. single. time. because apparently I am the worst ever at hangman (my user name is RisibleRedHead). I also love fruit ninja and doodle jump. apparently all I do on my phone is play games?????
    have fun! and happy holiays!

  9. I'm all about the apps that make life easier. Like, I use a tip calculator app, a flashlight app, a weather app, dictionary app, and a heart rate monitor app (for exercising) pretty much daily. I also love my scrabble app, stumble, spotify, and flixter apps. They're really awesome – you'll stumble across ones that mean something to you and you'll wonder what you did without them.

  10. You can take a picture of whatever is on the screen of your iPhone. Just push down on the circle button at the bottom of your phone at the same time at clicking the little rectangle power button at the top of the phone. Voila! Picture of your screen! (ps. I'm kinda awesome cause I figured this out all on my own. Oh, and btw, your drool pictures ALMOST made me dry heave. That. Is. Nasty.)

  11. I'm a long time reader, first time commenter, and I didn't read what everyone else said, because like you, I have ADHD LOL. But, and I apologize if this has been said already, I would recommend the Standard Works Scriptures App. By far the best that I have seen. They have all the manuals and hymn books with music! They are also pretty good about updating the app after conference. There are the regular ones that you have to have too like Facebook and Twitter. Angry birds is good to get too and so is Doodle Jump. I also have Where's Waldo and Mr. Tickles for the kiddies when they snatch my phone. And like Kierstin said, if you hold down your home button and the power button at the same time, it will take a picture of your screen.

  12. I know nothing about smartphones, because mine is blessedly dumb. However, I might hate you a little bit for getting a perfect score on the writing section of the GRE.

  13. ooh! Get Hipstamatic- its a really really cool camera app. I (sadly) do not have an iphone, so my droid camera app is Retro Camera, but they basically do the same thing. Also, I want to play Words with Friends with you!! I am currently losing *all* o my games, so its a fair bet to say you will come out a winner. My id is MelisinNM. 🙂

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