We here at the The Weed household have a thing with nicknames. Or, more accurately, Wife calls everyone weird names constantly. And they usually stick.

Early
in our marriage, Wife started calling me Anthony. (This was one of many
nicknames–the very first of which was Josey, which was short for Josue,
which is Joshua in Spanish. I remember thinking “Um, I don’t really want to be Josey” (pronounced Hozee). But that was irrelevant. Wife had chosen, and it had stuck.) I have no idea where Anthony, from the same time period, came from, but it also
stuck, and was soon shortened to Tony. Tony became so prevalent that people at church started thinking my name actually was Tony. But it’s not. I promise. It’s Josey. I mean The Weed. I mean Josh. Yeah. That one.

(Side note: The most hilarious nickname she had for me at that time was when I was
“Penis” for a while. I put the kibosh on that when she accidentally
called me that in front of a bunch of people at the store.)

She even wrote her own blog post about nicknames. Check out her most recent post on our family blog. And when I say recent, I mean 2009, the last time she ever wrote (sad face).

Anyway, the nickname thing has truly gotten out of hand. The thing I’m about to tell you is very private and I will spare details other than to say that this has happened twice. Two different times.

So… here it goes. Wife and I have been engaged in Bizness Time activities and, without thinking, she has called me a name that has completely killed the
mood. Because we couldn’t stop laughing.

The name that, unbidden, has come out of her lips as we enter the throes of passion?

Toniferus Weedles.

I can tell you, for certain, that as you’re putting the moves on your wife and things start getting hot and heavy, there is at least one name you never want to be called. And that name is Toniferus Weedles. (What does that name even MEAN????)

That awkward moment when your wife calls you Toniferus Weedles. Again.