Independence and a Blister the Size of Kansas

Today, I am my own man.

What this means is that I recently quit my job during one of the worst economic crises ever, and last Friday was my last day at work. So today is my first full day in my own private practice office.

Obviously, I hate money. And stability. And wearing a name badge. And having insurance. And a retirement plan. And a semblance of security. And the sweet knowledge that I will see a paycheck with any level of consistency.

BUT, do you wanna know what I did this afternoon during lunch?  I slept on my couch.

When people aren’t spilling their guts here, I’m taking a snooze.
 (Photo taken on my friend Wendel’s cell phone. Wendel is a photographer. He wants you to know this is NOT representative of his work.)

Pretty even trade-off, right?

I knew you wouldn’t care enough to comment to the contrary would agree.

In other news, I had a tragedy occur this weekend.

We were at a barbecue with some friends, and they got out the fire-pit so we could make S’mores (or Sh’mores, as the hostess, Korrin, calls them, which I think really fits), and everything was going great. It was delicious, and we made regular S’mores as well as these fancy French ones with tortillas and Nutella, and I was doing the thing where you’ve eaten the crispy part of a roasted marshmallow and then you roast the soft, delicious inside and get another layer of crispy deliciousness, but do you remember how I have a blind eye? What that means is that I don’t have depth perception. So it’s a little hard for me to tell whether my marshmallow is so far away from the flames that it’s still room temperature, or too close and soon to be engulfed in three foot flames. I was sitting there talking and someone was like “Josh, your marshmallow’s on fire” and instead of just letting the marshmallow go the way of the world like any other sane person, I decided to pull the stick out of the fire and blow the flames out.

And then, the tragedy struck.

A droplet of magma-like burnt marshmallow fell onto my thumb. And it hurt. A lot.

Thankfully, my friend JT (whose wife, Katie, blogs here) was there, and he’s an emergency room technician. I asked him if I needed to call 911 and he looked at me calmly and said “No. If you went in, you would be mocked. You are the type of patient we go into the halls make fun of in the ER. You got burned by a marshmallow. It’s almost as funny as the people who get strange objects stuck in their colon.”  Comfortingly, he reported that they are no longer allowed to take pictures of patients’ lame and hilarious and gross injuries with their cell phones. 

Speaking of pictures, here’s my injury.

No, that is not a large maggot. It is, in fact, a blister.

Yeah, you probably thought it was just some wussy little burn. Little did you know that that marshmallow gave me a bona fide SECOND DEGREE BURN with resultant blister (which popped unceremoniously today at the gym and I couldn’t see where all the juice went. Sorry next guy who used my treadmill!)

Take away lessons:

1. napping during the day without shame is better than all the money in the world.*

2. marshmallows are terrifying and brutal.

*This is false


  1. has anyone ever fallen asleep on the couch while having a session with you. I know it may be to early to tell. But it looks like they might…it looks comfy. Which would be awesome if all they needed was a good nap instead of therapy cause then you'd get paid for having a comfy couch. Which means you'd be getting paid to take naps too! Which would be therapeutic.

  2. Tami–What ever do you mean? *innocent face* Oh, btw, did I ever tell about about the time I shook hands with George Bush, Sr. No? Well, just felt like telling you about it! Oh, and I'm the descendent of Joel Hills Johnson. He wrote the hymn "How Firm a Foundation." It's seriously not a big deal! Stop asking me about this stuff! (I almost played trivial pursuit with Ken Jennings. Lolly's deceased grandpa used to live in the same housing complex as Jeffrey R. Holland. My step great grandpa was Mark E. Petersen's brother. STOP. THIS IS GETTING EMBARRASSING!!)

    @Mynx–I actually didn't know that sugar burned in a special way. And now I do. Intimately.

    @Taren–You are exactly right! It's like that couch is the therapeutic gift that keeps on giving. I'm pretty sure naps are going to be a major part of my practice. Thankfully, the couch reclines…

    @becca–Haha, that made me laugh. Yeah, the nap helped me cope with the agony.

    @Tabitha–Ghost Busters? Why Ghost Busters… oh, yeah! It ends with a big burning marshmall… *passes out* *wakes up and curls up in fetal position sucking thumb and rocking back and forth in shock*

    @Angela–Aren't mementos burned into one's flesh by fire the true sign of nostalgia? I think more people should get branded at random social events so that the memories can live on forever…

    @Tamsin–I always forget you and the Huffs know Wendel. And if you think the blister is sick-inducing in that photo, you should see the popped version. It's pretty toe-curlingly nasty.

  3. finally!!! a shout out! In a round-a-bout married to the ER tech who told you how he would mock you if you come into see a doctor and really don't fit in to the story even a little bit kind of way- I made it into your blog!
    I would totally name drop here and tell everyone how famous I am for being on your blog- but Tami would just "one up" me by being on here first… sad, how did she do that? take away all of my glory without even saying anything to me???
    P.S. note to self- avoid the tread mills

  4. I once went into the ER because I sliced my finger with a snoopy snow cone machine and thought I may need stitches. I had a huge, football linebacker sized male nurse and he called in his fellow nurses to make fun of me for my injury. I could hear them laughing over it in the hallway. My finger has since healed, but my pride remains wounded…

  5. #2 is true. my great-grandpa almost died from choking on a marshmallow. no joke. he snuck the hot chocolate with marshmallows when the nurse wasn't looking and ended up receiving cpr and a trip to the er.

  6. My father, after falling 20' while stepping off a ladder, lay on the ground with his intestines poking out or his abdomen, his hand turned backward, blood from a gash in his forehead half blinding him. He then said, "you know, it doesn't really hurt at all so maybe we can just skip the ER visit?"

    Maybe the two of you should get together to compare notes as to what should merit an ER trip?

  7. Josh, I think it is so awesome you are starting your own practice. In fact I am extremely jealous of your guts and ambition, someday I will have my own law practice, but who knows when that will happen. The other more timid side of me just wants to be a professional student and never actually enter the workforce. Anyways I love ya man and I know your new business venture will do great.

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