A post about drugs and a bathroom

Part One

The following are photos of the posters I have up on my wall in my office. Take a look.

Do you notice a problem here?
Look at them again, and then review in your mind what I do for a living. And what my last name is.
Yes, that’s right. my friend Jennie, a teacher at the school I work at as a therapist and drug and alcohol specialist, recently pointed out to me that the posters on my wall which I thought were completely innocuous and indeed maybe a little bit inspiring were, in fact, encouraging drug use.
So, yeah, apparently the thoughts going through kids’ minds as I talk to them about positive coping behaviors and self-esteem? A little different than what I was hoping for.
“So what you’re saying is that I can continue down this road of ‘heroin use’ all I want, and then when I’m done I can turn back and everything will be better again? Sick.”
“Best advice EVER!”  *lights up*
At lunch one day, Jennie shared her observation with others, and Dana, another teacher, had a light bulb go off in her head. “I have the perfect poster for you!” she exclaimed.
Soon, I found this in my box.
Sometimes having the last name Weed is pretty priceless…
Part II
I’ve wanted to post pictures of the view from my desk all year because it is completely ridiculous. Here is what I look at every single day.

I realize this might not be very clear because it was taken on an iPhone (not MY iPhone, silly, I still am approximately one decade behind on technology, as this post clearly illustrated) but what you are looking at is a hallway leading to a bathroom on the right. I would label the photo but I’m too lazy to switch computers to use the ever handy MSpaint. (No Photoshop for me. Decade behind. Remember?)

All year long I have had the privilege of watching people pass my office, often with a nod of salutation, go into a bathroom that rests about ten feet outside of my office, and then throw down a deuce with sounds so loud that I worried nearby livestock might mistake it for mating call.  Then they’d walk out looking at me sheepishly while I stared them down with a look that said “I know, for sure, what you just did in there. I heard every. single. detail.” Except that’s a lie. Usually I just looked down on my desk and pretended I had no idea what had just come out of their colon. Or bladder for that matter.

It was a very entertaining year.

I tried to get my friend Annemarie (the psych in the office next door) to pose as if she had just come out of the bathroom. For reasons inexplicable to me, she refused. Why would a working professional not want to be featured in a photo of a post-deuce-dropping walk of shame on the internet? I just don’t get it…

So, I decided to take one for the team and walk out of there myself for this very grainy, horrible photo.

No, this is not a ghost. This is me coming out of the bathroom. And I just went potty in there. (Just kidding. This was totally posed. Which makes the shot’s horrible quality even more mystifying.)
Goals for next year based on this post: 1. Find more awesome inspirational posters. 2. Invest in ear-plugs. 3. Get an iPhone of my very own so I can have such fantastic photo-taking abilities at my disposal at all times.

Next year’s gonna be a great year!


  1. All drug references aside, what is the "Never Never Quit" poster supposed to saying to me? I think the guy who made that poster made it for himself because he is so *bad* at it.

    Maybe putting those posters in the bathroom stalls would be more relevant? At least there is some context to which the posters could actually speak. albeit mistakenly.

    You could tell people as they leave the dumpster after a particularly loud deposit, "Never Never Quit," thus magnifying their shame.

  2. @Mr. Wendel– Agreed. The guy who made it had to have been pretty bad at whatever it was (football? holding a helmet? making effective posters for drug and alcohol counselors?) because I do think there is some value in saying "I will never be a successful ballerina, try as I might, so maybe, just maybe, I should quit while I'm ahead."

  3. Josh –

    Wow. I never thought about the fact that you could HEAR what was…going on…in the bathroom. Too funny. Thank God I only used it a couple of times. (*Note to self – avoid bathroom by Josh's office at all cost*)

    I must say I would have never deduced the drug/alcohol references from those posters. Though, now that they have been pointed out, it is clear as day and I must say kind of hilarious in an 'oh-my-gosh-did-he-inadvertently-encourge-kids-to-"never never quit" way. LoL. Don't worry, hopefully the kids didn't figure it out either.

    I can only imagine the sleepless nights in your future trying to select posters for your office for next year….better start now and run the past a few teachers just to be sure!

  4. @Wendy–Aw, thanks! I appreciate it. Yeah, the "grow" poster is pretty great! Thanks for the link of inspirational posters! I like them.

    @Shellie–Don't worry, it's so traumatic that I've blocked out most of the memories. Also, I'm sure I've made some pretty ominous sounds in that bathroom myself. So… we're even?

    @becca–I know, I seriously went through the whole year not realizing anything was weird. Because obviously I'm a genius. 😉

  5. I have a de-motivator in my office and it feels WAY more inspirational than any poster I've ever seen, except for maybe the "Hang in there" kitty. It says, "GET TO WORK You aren't being paid to believe in the power in your dreams." The pictures is a crew team rowing. Perfect for kids!

  6. @Kimmel–Glad to know I'm not alone!

    @AEBarks–Haha, that's actually pretty awesome. I need to internalize that one. Crosstitch into my heart? Assimilate it somehow at least.

  7. Not that I'm trying to advertise for the most amazing motivational posters out there – but below are a few that I think would really make an impact on your students

    http://www.despair.com/dysfunction.html – To me this one says "When others let you down – move on to something better"

    http://www.despair.com/cluelessness.html – And this one says "You can ask me anything – just like everyone else (smily face emoticon)"

    http://www.despair.com/def24x30prin.html – One of the truly inspiring ones because it says "Defeat others – you're probably a winner"

    http://www.despair.com/potential.html – Probably the most relevant poster – that truly speaks for itself. You could hold an entire counciling session by pointing at this and saying – Do you really (emphasize the really) believe you can be an astronaut? Especially with young minds – I think it would inspire them to try harder.

  8. OK I can't leave this (accidental) drop in without telling you that my last name is Weed and my family is in Law Enforcement. My father was the county Sheriff. My brother was the county Sheriff and my nephew is currently the county Sheriff. 🙂 Weed for Sheriff baby!

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