Hey remember a long time ago when I used to do a Wednesday wrap-up because there were little tidbits I wanted to talk about, but nothing that warranted a full-fledged post?

You don’t?

Well, that’s probably because I tried it twice like five months ago then never did it again.

But I’m going to do it today! Because there’s been stuff happening ’round these parts, and then I always say, “hey, I’ll post that in a Wrap Up” and then I never do the wrap up, and I never talk about the cool slash embarrassing thing and then I forget about it and it’s lost forever more.

And I’m tired of that happening. So. Let’s break this down.

1. So, you know my post Morning Run? (How could you forget–it seems to come up every time I write.) Well, the thing that happened with that post that I have never gotten around to mentioning here is that one day a few weeks ago I woke up and approximately four trillion people had visited that post. And it was all because some awesome person I don’t even know posted it on the forum for a really popular running magazine. The thing that’s funny though? Not one of those visitors made a comment.. So it’s like hundreds of people just dropped in, read a post about one of my most embarrassing moments all about me pooping my pants, and then left as fast as they could before I could smear virtual feces on them.

Hey, I don’t blame them. I’m still scared to shake my own hand…


2. Did you see what happened with my Ken Jennings post? It was pretty awesome. First, it was featured in Deseret News’ “Today in the Bloggernacle” (the Bloggernacle is the word for the general group of blogs written by Mormon people, and I’m Mormon, so apparently I’m included in that group. “Bloggernacle” is derived from the word Tabernacle which is a building in Salt Lake City (the building where the Tabernacle Choir gets its name)). That was totally awesome, but then something equally cool happened. Ken Jennings Tweeted my post in a throw-down wherein he challenged me to play Scattergories with him, and I, in turn, ran away with my tail between my legs and sucked my thumb, but only after saying “BRING IT” with all the courage I could muster which is pretty easy to do on Twitter because you’re not actually talking to anybody. If any of you are here because of that sequence of events, welcome! Nice to meet you! My name is The Weed and I crap my pants on runs and then shovel poop out of my pants with my bare hand, and I can’t seem to stop talking about that fact. *extends hand for a hearty handshake*

3. I had a couple of posts featured on the site MormonDaddyblogs.com. And then the guy, Dennis, made this graphic.

And then I stole it for the Redux. And now I’m gonna make a shirt out of it. But I haven’t yet because first I need to learn Photoshop. And how colors work. And how shirts are made. Or something. *confused face*

4. Speaking of which, I opened a Zazzle store. There you can buy a Meadow Shirt! Soon you will also be able to buy a Bambi Nuggets shirt. Because nothing is more appetizing than some delicious hunks for greasy deer muscle. And there’s nothing that will piss vegetarians off more than a shirt advertising that those hunks of deer muscle are actually Bambi.

Mmmmmmm.

(Sorry if you are a vegetarian. I totally don’t mean to disrespect your life-choice by making that shirt, I just think it’s funny. Truth is, nothing has ever made me consider vegetarianism more seriously than the event that precipitated this shirt. So really, think of this as a public service announcement about NOT eating meat.)

5. I wrote a guest post on a friend’s blog, Project Project.. It was supposed to be funny, but my blind eye was in a really bad mood that night and was like “shut up, Josh, and stop your outlandish behaviors like seeing color and typing and sensing light! Your punishment for being awake still is the sensation of a knife bisecting your pupil! Go ahead and try to be funny now!” and it made it so I could barely type a sentence without closing my eyes for a few minutes to recuperate. But, at any rate, you can see the post here.  It’s a heart-warming story of survival. Or a heart-breaking story of the inevitability of awkward situations. And it features a deaf man.

6. Last but not least, I wanted to mention that my private practice, against all odds, is growing! Yay! And, the most unbelievable thing ever? Some of my clients have actually come from this blog. (You know who you are *winks*)(Was that totally inappropriate for a therapeutic relationship?)(I suck at this game)

Anyway, tell all your friends that need counseling that you know the best counselor in town! Especially if you live in or near Auburn, WA. Otherwise tell them you know the best counselor on the World Wide Web. (I firmly believe that nothing speaks to a counselor’s authenticity more than his frank discussion shoving excrement out of his pants. That’s the underlying message here.)(Okay, that was a joke. The truth is, I actually am really good at my job. Which is kinda hard to tell if you’ve read… any post I’ve ever written here. Oh well. C’est la vie.)

All right folks. Time to close up shop and go to bed. I’ve got lives to save tomorrow. Where when I say “lives” I actually mean “naps” and when I say “to save” I actually mean “to avoid accidentally taking while talking to students by playing a lot of Uno.”

Okay, I need to give myself more credit. I actually have saved lives at my job. Surprisingly, I’m not joking. Suicide prevention is real, y’all.

(Side note–I recently had a native Texan (hi Tami!) tell me that I’m not allowed to say “y’all” because I’m not from Texas. However, my inner monologue voice (you know, the voice you hear talking in your head while you’re driving your car or sitting in a boring meeting or whatever which, in my case, is the same voice that writes most of The Weed–oh wait, you don’t have voices in your head? Odd…) constantly says y’all and I have no idea why because I’ve never even been to Texas. So, do I remain true to my inner voice, or obey the only-Texans rule? Discuss.)

Good night.