So, Apparently My Life is Basically the Twilight Series

Except with more pink. And less Bella Swan Cullen Whatever I Haven’t Read The Books Because I Am Male. (Confession: I read the first book. But then I remembered I have boy privates and got really bored during the second book and stopped.)

Point is:

I think my daughters are vampires. Or at least part vampire.

Exhibit A:

Viva insists on wearing sunglasses as she eats her cereal in the morning  because “it’s a sunny day.” (Lucerne milk, you can thank me later for the free add. I’ll take my payment in cottage cheese. Or baby calves.)

Is it just me, or is her skin shimmering like diamonds in the sunlight?
Exhibit B:
Today when Wife was out for a walk with Tessa, if the sun even barely touched her eyes, she screamed as if somebody had taken a knife to her face.
Daddy, when I grow teeth, rest assured, they’ll be fangs.
Exhibit C:
This conversation took place the other day.

Anna: Mommy, what’s that blue stuff up there?

Wife: Where? What blue stuff?

Anna: Up there!  (points upward)

Wife: Oh, Anna sweetie, that’s the sky. The sky is blue.

Anna: Oh. (Thinks for a moment) I don’t like it…

“Mommy, the blue stuff is out there again. I hate the blue stuff.”

I rest my case.

(Or perhaps, perhaps, this all has to do with the fact that we live in Seattle where there is more cloud cover than almost anywhere in the US. Except for maybe this really random town up here in Washington State called Forks which you probably haven’t heard of. Yeah, come to think of it, I’m almost positive it’s being in Seattle. Except that I’m pretty sure I saw one of the girls sucking the blood of a rodent the other day. Or it might have been a Twinkie. No way to really tell for sure because then she ate whatever it was before I even remembered I was the one in charge could get to her.)

In totally unrelated news, this post where I was contemplating redesigning my blog accidentally kind of became a contest where people started submitting logos for my consideration which I seriously totally appreciate, but now I’m going to have a really hard time choosing one (NOIWONTCUZMINEARETHEBEST) and it’s gonna be really hard to have to disappoint people when I share my thoughts about their efforts (NOTREALLY) but, yeah, if you wanted to make me a The Weed logo or whatever and have it featured in a post, you can still totally submit one to joshua (dot) weed (at) gmail (dot) com. But don’t be too devastated when yours doesn’t win because the competition (ME) is pretty fierce.

24 Comments

  1. Your daughers are too pretty to be vampires.
    And if I had lovely sunglasses like that I would wear them at breakfast too… hang on, sometimes I do…but not for the same reasons your daughters do.

  2. She was probaly practicing her vampire technique by sucking the creamy filling out of the Twinkie 🙂 and I'm pretty sure I see a red mark right below anna's ear on her neck in her picture – maybe her sisters have been practicing on her ha ha. Maybe you're next – muaahhhhh!

  3. Having daughters is way more fun if they're vampires – must be.

    Thanks for coming by my blog. It sounds like your violin is amazing – that's really special. I hope some day people will be saying things like that about the instruments I make.

  4. If they're vampires, it's because you have passed on your own flesh-eating ways! What's that you say? How I can I claim this? In your own photo caption, you said Lucerne could pay you in "baby calves." Ahem. If you meant baby cows, you would have said just calves. No, you specified baby calves, as in the calves of babies. You big sicko. Don't try to claim you didn't mean it. I know you did.

  5. Watch it. They'll be so charming and when you don't realize why you're so tired all the time, you'll realize it's not parenting that exhausting you but all the blood suckage going on. (Also known as "the cost of raising kids")
    Ha ha.
    Nice to meet you, fellow crusader!

  6. If your girls bring home sulky guys from high school, watch out. I'm in a similar (opposite) situation from you. I live in a house full of guys (one hubby, three sons). Instead of pink and cute sunglasses, I live with xbox and sweat. Let's switch places.

  7. Dear Josh,
    I just gave your blog link to Ben Abbott. Don't hate me.

    Love,
    Dian

    P.S. My submitted logo and the redesign ideas I sent you are WAY better than yours. The end.

  8. We have so little sun here that each time it makes an appearance in the winter, I adhere myself to the sliding glass door to take in every last bit of those golden rays. Kinda like a gecko. Only less green.

  9. @Mynx–If I understand it correctly the beauty is kind of like a distraction. Like "I'm really beautiful, therefore I won't suck your soul out your neck." See? (Thanks for saying that, btw!)

    @becca–Thanks!

    @Christine–Which, in turn, breaks my heart. Due comeuppance.

    @Anonymous–You're right! More evidence! I'm getting creeped out..

    @Tony–The violin my grandpa made me is a replica of Strad's Messie. Do you have a website featuring your work? I'd love to see it.

    @Loradona–Oh, did I forget to put the apostrophe "s"? Oops! Typo! Definitely meant "baby's calves." When your daughters are vampires, they've gotsta eat something…

    @Lydia–Wow. This explains SO MUCH.

    @Susan–Oh, why thank you!

    @YLIDHG–If you were to make something like that for me, I might have to owe you forever and ever.

    @Julie–Seriously, let's. I bet my wife would really appreciate it.

    @Diana–Ha! Awesome. Welcome! It's good to know my girls aren't the only ones.

    @Twilightgazing–Aw, that comment was really sweet. I'm genuinely touched.

    @Dian–Dear Dian, I HATE people who give me free publicity! WHY would you do that???? 😉

    Also, did you really send me stuff that's quote unquote better than mine? Cuz if so I didn't get it yet and MUST NEEDS SEE IT!

    @IWBY-Thanks!

    @Wombat–I totally know the feeling! Though you might have me beat in the lack of sun arena 😉

  10. @twilightgazing–Oh man, I'd love to give it a go! Sounds beautiful.

    @Pablo–That's what they say. I'll definitely sleep with one eye open and I'll eat some garlic-filled hummus to ward them off w/ my breath.

  11. Ah, your girls are adorable. Vampires or not it's definitely the Seattle weather. My niece once asked my why the sky was blue and not grey.

    Hello to a fellow crusader and Seattlite! We're in the same crusading group. 🙂

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