A Delicious Recipe and Some Gorgeous Photos

I’m trying to come up with something interesting to talk about here that doesn’t involve me telling the story about me getting thrown in jail in Venezuela, which I wrote half of, but will have to come later when I have time to find pictures documenting my 100lb weight lost. Yeah. That extra “0” there? Not a typo.

So, for today I need something simple.

I decided to drag Wife into the process (because, let’s face it, the 20 or so half-written drafts I have in my draft folder are still drafts for a reason. And that reason is that they suck). (And also, let’s face it, she’s brilliant, and has come up with some awesome ideas, such as Celebrity Crush, never mind the fact that she probably came up with it as easily as she did because when is Lionel Richie’s freaky face not on her mind?)

She suggested I post a recipe. So, without further ado: Macaroni and Cheese.

(Fun fact: when I first typed that I doubled nearly every consonant making it maccarronni because I couldn’t remember which letter there was two of. Turns out, there are no double letters at all. It’s probably really good that I’m no longer an English teacher.)

All right. First, you need a box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese:

Then, you need Wife there to make it for you, but you don’t have a photo of that because she said “No, I don’t want to pose and pretend I’m making macaroni and cheese right now because I’m busy taking care of your children while you write a blog post.”

Touche, wife. But I still need you to make some for me because I’m hungry and I’m really busy “working.”

*she does so, begrudgingly, for the kids*

Then, you eat it. 

It’s all natural!

Mmmm, it’s delicious.

Wow, that was so easy! So easy that I just made an executive decision: I’m going to start a recipe blog. Because there are definitely not enough of those. Directly thereafter I plan on starting a photography business. Because ever since getting my DSLR I’ve discovered I have real, genuine gift for photography. I especially have a knack for shooting nature shots.

Look at that foliage. Didn’t I totally “capture” it?
 What do you mean you have no idea what this is? It’s a SWAMP, stupid. 
 You don’t find this broken shell in dirty sand breathtaking? Um, get some vision. Seriously.

Hey, National Geographic. *Does an air phone* Call me.

Photo attribution here.


  1. Mac and cheese is an American classic. The beauty about specializing in nature photography is that all nature shots become artistic and cool with the right title. That's not a dirty shell, its "death of a clam" (or whatever lived in a shell like that). get yourself some snappy titles and National Geoghraphic will courier their check.

  2. @B–Agreed. God bless her!

    @Kristina–Whatever do you mean? (Innocent pose)

    @Kari Marie–You are so right! "Death of a clam" moves me nearly to tears. It gives my photo meaning and life. I'm ready for the big-time! Time magazine? Your editors may reach me at joshua (dot) weed (at) gmail (dot) com.

  3. Ope, missed you there @Catherine, but it's not cuz I don't like you. It's cuz you're faster at pressing "enter" than I am. BUT, that being said, I think cut up hot dogs would be delicious for the leftovers, now that you mention it.(Yells downstairs) Wife! I need you to make me some hotdogs now…

  4. I must admit the mix of light and shadow brings "the swamp" to life in a way that truly moves me.
    And the framing of the stick dead centre like that is radical. If I was a poet I would be composing right now

  5. @Diedre–No. No she does not. Are you trying to get a Wife duplicate? Totally understandable, but impossible I'm afraid.

    @Kittie–THANK YOU. Finally somebody "gets it." I think this speaks volumes. About both of us and how elite we are.

    @ercia–I'm magical and make people eat Macaroni! Cool!

    @Lisa–They totally are. So far. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be contacted soon, though.

    @Ashley–I'm sorry if I was offensive!

    Okay, as a general disclaimer, I must admit: the reason I felt comfortable poking fun at photog and recipe bloggers is because as a humor and a writing and even kind of a Daddy blogger I'm TOTALLY IN THE SAME BOAT. But I thought it would be funny to pretend like I was all elite.

    I had no idea my jokes were so multi-layered and deep and complex… It's not surprising though given how deep I am. I mean, seriously. Did you see the picture of that pond? It's Walden meets Ellis Island meets Loch Ness meets moss that symbolizes the decay of civilization. Why does nobody "get" me? I feel so isolated on this tall, tall tower looking down at everyone…

  6. @Mynx–How did you sneak that comment in there?? You're amazing and Ninja-like. (Are Ninjas still in? Maybe you're cat-like in reflexes… whichever is still in vogue.)

    And, EXACTLY. I think you're totally starting to see the vision of "Swamp." Thank you for restoring my faith in humanity–except that you didn't totally and completely "get it" which makes me feel really sad and isolated and also a little relieved that I don't have to be equal with another visionary and I can still be the deepest.

    I would LOVE a poem about it. I mean, I'd judge it, too, of course. But I would take it as a compliment.

  7. 'Here's to the Wife' as the song goes (it really does if you haven't heard of it before!) What a treasure you have there. I wish making mac and cheese was so easy! Can't say I ever remember eating it (sacrilege?)

    I especially think you should get on the air phone as I believe National Geographic would die for those artistic prints!

  8. I am a little stunned Josh that you would accept and entertain so many compliments on your amazing photos without telling your readers that you are not actually the artist who took them.

  9. @Heather–Yes. I always knew that Chad was a smart man. (And, Wife says thanks for the condolences.)

    @L'aussie–All kidding aside, she really is a treasure. I love that girl. Also, you've definitely got to try mad & cheese! It's so processed that it's almost like eating flavored cardboard smothered in butter, but I seriously love it. I mean that.

    @Jack–Yeah, it can definitely get a little old. I used to eat it every Friday when I was a kid.

    @Christy–I love it too! I really do. And I haven't posted the Venezuela story yet, but plan to soon!

    @Dad–WHY ARE YOU BLOWING MY COVER? You make my life so difficult! First, do you realize how difficult it was to find three not-good photos out of the ones you took that got uploaded onto my computer? Not joking, it was really really hard. You are an amazing photographer. (This is not a joke. I'm very amused I have to clarify any time I want to be serious now.) And then second, you go and totally shout from the rooftops that my new photog blog is inspired by photos that I didn't even take. Thanks.(Never mind the fact in order for me to have taken the first photo I would have to have stepped out of my own body. And btw, that's my favorite one because what "nature" shot isn't enhanced by a huge powerline in the background?)

    Over and out.

    Oh wait,

    @Wendel–I love photo bloggers. Especially ones that document my family with mad skill and talentness. And I also did, I'll admit, eat about half of your curry. Nevertheless, I feel that "Betrayal of The Weed" is an apt portrayal of this post. Because I betrayed myself in assuming you would be able to understand "Swamp". It's pretty clear you didn't get it… maybe if I explain its nuances in person?

    Okay. Over and out. For realz this time.

  10. Velveeta Shells and Cheese > Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.

    One time my brother tried to make the single serving Kraft mac and cheese and cooked the noodles in the microwave without water…producing jet black smoking noodles and a broken bowl and a putrid smell…it was hilarious.

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