This post started as a simple idea of five listed things, but has morphed into an entire post within a post.  

Guess what! Stuff happens in my life sometimes that’s not really fit for an anecdotal humor post. I find myself wanting to talk about these things from time to time. 

Without further ado: the first installment of the The Weed Wednesday Wrap-up, which will consist of five things of note within the previous week. (We’ll just see how this goes.)

1. I am failing school.

I have gotten ridiculously behind in community college. It is very likely that I will have a worse gpa on my community college transcript–which will yield no diploma but just make me eligible to become a chemical dependency counselor after I take a big test–than I will have had for my undergraduate and graduate degree. And the classes are more rigorous. I’m not joking. (BTW, yes, my last name is Weed and yes I’m going to be an drug addiction specialist–isn’t my life awesome???)

This might actually be what happens to me a month from now.

2. I gave thanks by eating a lot of stuffing and gravy. It was delicious. And filled with gratitude. And I ran four miles the next day, which didn’t really help the weight-gain.

Apple, the National Thanksgiving Turkey, was pardoned by U.S. President Barack Obama on Thanksgiving eve in the Rose Garden of the White House in Washington on November 24, 2010.   UPI/Roger L. Wollenberg Photo via Newscom

You, sir, were delicious. Much thanks.

3. The Bloggess followed me on twitter.  Yes you read that correctly.

You know The Bloggess, right? She’s the really famous blogger with a really famous blog who is hilarious? If you don’t know, here’s the link. Warning, she is hilarious but also a cuss box in the most endearing way possible. (Read her stuff. It is amazing.)

Anyway, what happened is that in response to a really moving set of pictures she’d linked to (here they are if you’re interested) I tweeted the following:

Joshua Weed

 

@ These are amazing. I think following you on twitter may have been the best decision I’ve made all year. That and my newborn.

(There is probably a MUCH better way to post tweets that I don’t have time to research right now because I only have two minutes before Thursday)
 
I thought little of it–it was a genuine reaction to seeing the pictures and also really loving her blog, and sometimes you just want to throw that kind of sentiment out into the universe. But do you know what happened?

I will say it again. The Bloggess is following me on twitter. 

Do you realize what this means???

Well, let me explain it to you by describing what happened in the milliseconds after seeing that this had occurred. But before I do, please note that none of this is over-the-top or irrational or me taking things way too seriously.

First, it started all exultant, like “OH MY GOSH I just got followed by The Bloggess! THAT’S AMAZING! I didn’t know that could  happen!”

But within the same split second it became all crushing and smothering and suffocating. Like  “Oh no, what if I say something stupid? What if I don’t please her? What if I post a blog post and she reads it and it sucks? What if she sees my picture and is like “whoa, you’re ugly, and I don’t follow ugly people” even though I know she’d never be that shallow. BUT, what if she stops liking me? Okay, I officially have to be careful about every single thing I tweet or blog from now until the end of time because The Bloggess is watching my every move and cares a lot and is obviously fascinated with who I am as a writer and blogger and father and counselor and human being and I DO NOT WANT TO DISAPPOINT HER” which in turn was followed by a minor emotional meltdown which involved me not being able to do the aforementioned community college homework.

So pretty much it means I have to be terrified.

It’s a lot of pressure, okay? And it’s totally real pressure and not blown out of proportion at all, and the fact that I’m one of 10,000 people she’s following is immaterial.

And my reaction of kind of hyperventilating and not being able to think straight when I saw the email that said she was following me was also totally understandable and reasonable.

Just so we’re clear on that.

(I’m pretty sure that the only people that will really “get it” are the ones being followed by celebrities on Twitter like me, so I totally understand if you have trouble relating and I don’t judge you or anything…)

Oh. Oh wow. Wow. Did you just hear that choir of angels? Because I kinda just had a revelation.

The fourth item just occurred to me and it just rocked my world.

4. The Bloggess is officially my celebrity crush!

Whoooooaaaa. This is HUGE.

This is important for several reasons.

First, I need to point out that this is a list within a list, and apologize for that fact, but I’m already past the deadline and it’s Thursday and I’m tired so we’re all going to have to deal with a little bit of messiness. Second, apparently, I like a celebrity who is hilarious. Third, I think it’s important to note that the curlers in her hair on her homepage? Hot. (I’m not kidding.) Fourth, it is also important to note that while Wife’s celebrity crush makes me feel insecure in ways that can only be described in mathematical equations and doggerel, MY CELEBRITY CRUSH IS ONLY A TWEET AWAY.

How d’ya like them apples, Wife?

(Wife is sane, and therefore she is currently asleep. But if she were awake, she would respond to that throw down much in the same way as when I ran downstairs like a 12 yr. old girl who talked to a boy for the first time and gushed, “The Bloggess is following me on Twitter!!!” And that response was “Oh, that’s really cool, sweetie” uttered in such a tone of voice that it actually felt like the pat on the head that a 6-year-old might receive from his mommy after showing her the really cool rock he found outside which she couldn’t really care less about, but which she could tell meant a lot to said little boy.

In fact, here’s how the conversation would go, I’m pretty sure.

Me: I have a celebrity crush now that’s not Julia Roberts circa 1993! It’s The Bloggess!!! Do you feel threatened now?

Wife if she weren’t sleeping: Hmmm? Sorry I couldn’t hear you. I was too busy listening to Lionel Richie and thinking salacious thoughts.

Me: I said, I have a celebrity crush now. She’s smart and pretty and she follows me on twitter and she’s really really funny.

Wife if she weren’t sleeping: Oh, that’s simply adorable. You think grown-ups like you! You let me know if you get another “celebrity crush.” They’re the cutest dang thing I’ve ever heard of. Now go back to playing with your toys. Go on!

Yep. Looks like I have some pretty dynamite ammo for the next time Wife DVR’s Lionel’s appearance on an infomercial for “Cheesy, Romantic Songs of the 80’s.”

What a relief.

And finally, 5. I posted my first The Weed Wednesday Wrap-up on a Thursday Friday. Is anybody surprised by this? This is probably the suckiest idea in the history of blogs.

All right. Win some and lose some. At least I got a C.C. out of it.

Maybe better luck next week?

Or maybe I should never try this again.

Only time will tell!